Toilet Safety 101
Toilet Safety is an important aspect of our everyday lives that is often overlooked by the everyday person. Many of the safety tips on this page will shock and amaze you, and maybe even seem a bit unbelievable, but please take them in consideration. Did you know that 345 million people were injured or severely killed last year in the US alone, by improper toilet usage? Lets work together, you and I, and make bathrooms everywhere a safer place for ourselves and our children.
#1- Parents, here is a child safety tip for your children. Never let your children play in the toilet.
This is extremely dangerous! Baby could contract harmful
bacteria, slip and injure himself, drown, become coated with feces, or if you
let him play too long, he could get really wrinkly. It is never appropriate to
let a child play in, around, with, beneath, inside, between, aboard, under,
among, beside, on top of, behind, against, within, below, or near a toilet bowl.
#2- Always wear proper safety gear when using the restroom.
in case of
a deadly toilet monster.
#3- If you are an ugly girl who wears white unitards with feet, always be sure to use the toilet hanging from a sling hanging approximately 2 feet above the toilet in the company of a bull dyke who is pointing something at your crotch.
#4- A toilet bowl is not intended to be used as a salad bowl.
#5- To decrease the stress level in your bathroom, choose decorations that calm the user. Stress is the number one cause of accidents, and its very prevalent in the restroom, especially with folks who have problems with constipation.
This man is so stressed out, he's practically torn his newspaper up.
Choose calming colors such as pastel blues, pinks, beige and other soft colors.
Pictured here is a lovely pink toilet seat, a favorite of Rudy Giuliani.
This toilet seat is also great for faggots. and queers. and clay aiken.
#6- Be careful of TBAS, or what is better known as "Toilet Bowl Addiction Syndrome". It causes users to fall in love and be completely obsessed with spending all their time with their toilet, resulting in job loss, weight loss, irritability, and a strange smell, and also to produce art such as this:
If you think you are suffering from TBAS, please call the hotline at 1-555-TOILET-1.
#7- While using the toilet on the subway, please be sure to hold onto the bar.
#8- This is poop. Never play in it, or allow your children to.
#9- Keep the toilet seat clean of any debris, which can become a hazard to the user. If the seat becomes slippery, it could cause one to slip when trying to sit, and cause multiple injuries.
#10- Follow this simple chart for correct techniques for using a toilet. And make sure your pee sprays out of the bowl.
#11- If you see this sign, please follow it.
#9- If you have trouble holding your urine, and don't always make it to the toilet, invest in some adult diapers so that you do not cause unsightly messes and/or cause a slipping hazard on your bathroom floor.
See how much fun you can have if you only learn to use your toilet safely and correctly?
