101 things to make or do with SPAM
By: Steven Scott

1. Eat SPAM right out of the can. Take a spoon, dig it out, put it in your mouth and enjoy.

2. Candied SPAM. Take your SPAM out of the can and fry it. Put about an inch of granulated sugar in the empty can. Optional: Mix in some Kool-Aid for a different tasty taste. Put the can over heat until the sugar melts into a nice syrup. Then put your SPAM slices on a toothpick and dip into the sugar. Put them aside and let them cool. Enjoy.

3. Cool Bombs. Stand on a porch or balcony and chuck your SPAM down onto people. Just imagine all that luscious SPAM jelly covering your friends.

4. Fried SPAM. This is your basic generic boring way to eat SPAM. Just heat up a frying pan and fry the SPAM in its own jelly. Great for breakfast; will go with anything.

5. SPAM pot pie. This one's pretty obvious. Just use your favorite chicken pot pie reciple and substitute SPAM.

6. SPAMburger. This one is obvious too. It's already being made, but I had the idea long ago.

7. Black Eye remedy. Put SPAM in refrigerator and put it over your eye if you get a black eye. I don't know if it works, but its worth a try. SPAM's better than steak, anyway.

8. SPAM crackers. A great afternoon after-school snack. Just put slices of SPAM between some crackers and eat it. Its easy, and tasty too.

9. Axle grease. Who knows what that jelly really is?

10. Mexican Hair syndrome. Just rub that jelly in your hair and comb it back. You're hair will look great, and you and your friends can lick it, too.

11. Inverted SPAM sandwich. Put some bread between 2 slices of SPAM. Cut your bread to the shape of your SPAM slices.

12. Peanut Butter and (SPAM) jelly sandwich. You guessed it. Save your unused jelly until you have enough for a sandwich.

13. Grilled SPAM sandwich. Fry your SPAM and put it between 2 slices of bread. Its like a grilled cheese sandwich. Instead of grilling the bread in butter, use the SPAM jelly.

14. Spam-Kabobs. No explanation needed.

15. Spalony Sandwich. Mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup and sliced unfried SPAM. Put it on bread. Just a basic good lunch.

16. Floor wax. Take the SPAM out of the can and rub it on the floor. Wax as usual.

17. Car wax. Same as above.

18. Sinus Medicine. Nothing clears those nostrils like the aroma of a freshly opened can of SPAM.

19. Chocolate-Covered SPAM. Melt cooking chocolate in a saucepan. Cut chunks of uncooked SPAM and stick toothpicks in them. Cover each piece with chocolate and set aside on wax paper until cool.

20. Dog food. They'll eat anything.

21. SPAM Deoderant. You wont smell sweaty...Funny, but not sweaty.

22. They make great christmas presents.

23. And nothing says "I love you" like the gift of SPAM.

24. Makes great anniversary, birthday, Bar Mitzvah and Columbus Day presents. Oh yeah, Jews cant eat pork. It probably isnt real anyways.

25. SPAM jerky. Use your swell Infomercial food dehydrator and make SPAM jerky.

26. SPAM and Milk. In case you run out of cookies. Dont fry it. Take it directly from the can, dip it in milk, and enjoy.

27. SPAM roadkill. Put it in your driveway and run over it with the car a few times. Then scrape it off the pavement and fry it.

28. SPAM stir-fry. Fry it in a wok and serve it with rice.

29. SPAMcos. Tacos with a twist.

30. SPAM-noodle Surprise. Boil instant egg noodles until soft. Then stir in SPAM chunks.

31. Furniture Polish. Just put the jelly on and polish your wood.

32. Air Freshener.

33. SPAM drink. Put your SPAM in the blender, jelly and all. Blend it real good. Pour and serve hot or cold.

34. Acne Medicine. Rub SPAM all over your face and go to bed. Guaranteed to give you acne.

35. SPAM as money. If enough people read this, we can get together and make SPAM the offical currency!

36. Medicine. Leave opened SPAM in the refrigerator until mold grows. See if its like penicillin.

37. SPAM toilet. Keep your empty SPAM cans under your bed to use as chamberpots.

38. SPAM waterbed. Use idea #33 to fill your waterbed. Makes a great midnight snack.

39. SPAM s'mores. Substitute SPAM slices for graham crackers.

40. SPAM carving. Better than soap carving anyday. Cant eat the extra soap!

41. SPAM Cologne. Use Idea #33 and rub it all over yourself before you see your girl/boy friend.

42. SPAM machine. Lets collaborate with the government and get SPAM vending machines on every corner.

43. SPAM for the homeless. New and improved welfare program.

44. SPAMsicle. Use idea #33 and make popsicles out of it.

45. Waterproofing. Use the Jelly for all sorts of waterproofing jobs.

46. Pincushion. Your SPAM loaves make swell pincushions.

47. Bricks. Put whole SPAMs out of the can in your local smokehouse. After a while, you can build a house and eat it too.