this is where the random things are

This was a local gas station where I live. Sadly, the company got bought out to stupid marathon or one of them stupid companies and now its boring (actually, I think its citgo if that's a brand of gas.). The township where the gas station is located (also where I attended public high school) is called Pee Pee Township. The creek flowing through town is called Pee Pee Creek. The fire department? Why we have Pee Pee Volunteer Fire Department of course! Aren't we classy now?

This is a State Park not far from where I live. Boy we know how to attract tourists.

So there was this one time, and me and my mom and my sister were in France. We stopped with some friends at a little restaurant for lunch. Since we are vegetarian, we had very limited choices for food there, as we often do when eating out here in the US. Basically the only thing we could order to eat was a cheese sandwich. A plain cheese sandwich, no condiments, no nothing. Just cheese and bread. That's what it came with.  So we ordered, and not very long later the man brought us out our sandwiches, seeing as to how they couldn't be very hard to make. We took a few bites and realized this was very plain and yucky. We decided to try to communicate with this French waiter. I took the first try and just plain asked the waiter if he had any mustard. He just looked at me confused-like.

im bored so i inserted a picture for effect.

Next, my mother takes a stab at it. She asks the waiter for mayonnaise. Again, the same look. Then she tries "Dijon?" thinking maybe this sounds more frenchy or something, i guess.

this is also a picture

By this time we are very hungry and frustrated at our dry, tasteless sandwiches. Now comes the moment you've all been waiting for. My sister turns, ever so innocently to the waiter and asks "Do you have any Grey Poupon?"

whatever happened to those commercials anyways?

At this point in time, I think  I nearly laughed myself to death. I almost peed my pants.

yeah i dont know who these people are

The poor waiter I think felt insulted and ran away quickly. We laughed and laughed. I think my sister just sat there. The waiter then came back with some kind of horseradish-mayonnaise-mustard-something else sauce that was warm and we were scared to eat it but we did, and we lived happily ever after. the end.

i found this picture somewhere online and frankly, i dont understand whats going on. if you do, email me and tell me or something.

i found some funny butts. i put them on a page. this is the butt page.

The name of this file is "hunkopig.jpg" i saw it and realized i had to have this pork.

The funniest teacher I ever had was my spanish teacher in high school, he always had pit stains, had a lisp and a huge (probably literally1/4 inch gap between his front teeth or bigger, it was incredibly awful and he needed it fixed), he'd cry in class, his wife looked like a fat man (someone honestly asked him if it was his dad during one class at the beginning of the year) and wore clip on ties. He'd also stomp his little feet when he got mad. We will call him Mr. Brownie. My freshman year this kid Chris that sat behind me liked to shoot spit wads at him, the decorations around the room, the board, the clock, the teachers desk, and the television. One particular day Chris was aiming at the wonderful flags from each spanish speaking country our teacher had decorated the whole top border of the wall with. Then for some reason our dear Christopher gets the idea to make a gargantuan spit wad with more than one sheet of paper and tons of spit, which ends up being as big as my fist. he hurls it at the tv, which Mr. Brownie is standing right beside. The mighty spitball lands with a delicious splat and saliva flings in all directions, including all over the teacher's face. He did cry. Another time he began a lecture about some mayan indian crap or something, and instructed us at the beginning of any lecture not to interrupt him with requests to get a drink or go to the bathroom or anything unnecessary. About half of the way through class, a black guy by the name of Marquez raises his hand. He is ignored, and 30 seconds later he drops his hand. A minute later, he again raises his hand, but this time waves it about obnoxiously. The teacher is getting visibly upset but continues talking, trying to ignore him. After about a minute of the hand waving, he stops, gets up, walks over to the teacher and taps him on the shoulder. "WHAT IS IT THAT YOU SO DESPERATELY NEED, MARQUEZ?" practically yells our now, quite agitated instructor. He replies that he needs to go to the bathroom, and Mr. Brownie, now turning quite red angrily replies that he should have gone before class and knew not to interrupt him during the lecture. Marquez responds with "But I really, really gotta go!". "SIT DOWN AND WAIT FOR THE CLASS TO BE OVER, YOU ONLY HAVE 25 MINUTES!". He sits. 5 minutes later he this time waves both of his hands around and says "please let me go to the bathroom, i have to go so bad!". With this, he receives a detention, and is warned to not say another word. He replies with "but..." and receives another. He sits quietly but jittery for about 10 minutes, leaps into the air, grabs his crotch and screams "MISTER BROWNIE, MY WATER IS GOING TO BREAK!". At this point Mister Brownie cant take it anymore and uses the intercom to call the principal to come up. Marquez makes a run for the door. Mister Brownie blocks it. The principal then arrives to see Marquez trying to break Mr. Brownie's arms away from the door frame and tries to help restrain him. Marquez is now being held down by two men and is flailing about on the floor. The principal uses his radio to call the assistant principal. He comes to the rescue and helps all three of them physically drag him out the door and down the stairs. That was a fun day. I wonder if he ever got to pee.

"Your feces should not be liquid, but not like rocks, either."- My Nutrition Teacher, Mrs. Snyder.

"This is an anus, where you have bowel movements"- My Developmental Psych. Teacher, Mrs. Mattheus, upon showing us an anus inflicted with herpes.

"Jewish patients are the worst. I am not prejudiced against jews though, its just because they had to go through concentration camps, probably because they were Jewish."-Also Mrs. Mattheus.

(this is also in my journal, so dont be all "whoa, deja vu" or something if you actually read it)

=

I was thinking today, isn't She's All That (I actually haven't seen it, just heard about the story) copying off of My Fair Lady? Yes? No?

I have three things I want to whine about, and I totally can, because this is my page. Send all complaints by email on the main page.

#1- Those stinking "fun size" candies. Seriously, what is fun about a candy bar that is 1/4 the size??

#2- People who use the phrase "beared an eerie resemblance to". I overheard two people talking about two boys that go to my school "bearing and eerie resemblance" to some famous person. I dont understand the use of this. It isnt eerie to look like someone unless the person is dead or something, and neither of the boys or famous person were dead. No sense here.

#3- People who put a P in the word hamster.

"When I was pregnant, I took Riboflavin supplements and my urine was bright yellow--it was so pretty. Riboflavin makes your urine such a pleasant, beautiful yellow color."
-My Nutrition Teacher, Mrs. Snyder

this is my eMac.