Hey kids!!! Do you feel sad, lonely, and like life is so horrible to you? Do you feel like you are all alone in the world and want to die?
WHY NOT BE GOTHIC?
Its so easy and is already working for millions of people all over the world!!! Just follow these easy steps and you'll be a goth in no time.
Step#1
You must dress like a goth first. Go to Hot Topic (Goth-and-Go).
If youre a girl, buy a $70 corset dress(make sure its velvet and has stupid sleeves) and $50 pointy witch like shoes, and make sure its dark purple or black. Or a goth tshirt ($20)that says something about being angry (or a shirt that has fishnet on it and just plain doesnt make sense), a long black skirt ($45), black boots with buckles all over($60), fishnets ($20), and annoying socks ($12).
Examples:
If youre a guy, black pants with buckles on them ($60) and a goth shirt featuring something like Nine Inch Nails or make sure it says something like "At night the clowns steal my underpants"...($25) or if youre a super faggy goth, make sure you wear some kind of fishnet shirt. Just make sure its black or red, cuz those stand for hate and blood and such. Also, wear fag boots similar to the ones pictured in the girls section.
Examples:
dont forget your accessories such as spike bracelets and necklaces, chokers, and skull, spider, or pentagram rings.
Step #2
You must have goth hair. DYE YOUR HAIR BLACK. You get extra goth points if your hair has red in it too (or just another color) and if it sticks out and stuff like Johnny's. Girls can also have plain long, black, straight hair, and boys spiky black hair.
Examples:
Step#3
Now its makeup time. First, grab all the white powder, black eyeliner, black nail polish and black lipstick you have and put it on. When you think you have a normal amount on, make sure you add 17 times more than that. Make sure to put tons of eyeliner on (and put designs around your eyes, or just lines), and make sure your face is as pale as you can make it with the powder, because you are totally dead to the world.
Step #4
Be real whiny. Remember, youre an outcast from society and nobody loves you. Make a screen name that has something to do with "vampyre". Make sure the world knows about how much agony is inside you, and that no one else can fathom the pain youre in, or has gone through what you have by making a deadjournal or website with your "morbid poetry" and tales of woe on it. Take pictures for your journal or website; make sure you show how much despair you are in and how goth you are in the pictures.
Examples:
Step #5
Now you must act even more gothic. Have gothic hobbies. Read Edgar Allan Poe. Dont talk unless someone talks to you. Walk around sadly, looking at the ground. Take a notebook everywhere you go, and make doodles of things like spiders, anarchy symbols, skulls and bats. Girls, carry a black umbrella to shield the sun from your delicate pale skin. Hang out in graveyards. Become anorexic so you can look even more sickly. Read "dark" poetry and try to write your own. Make sure to keep any area you are in dark, especially your bedroom, because vampyres cant come out during the light. Make plots to murder your enemies. Make your motto "Life is Pain." Plan your own death. Kill yourself.
Step #6
Start liking only horrible music. Try The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, and Marilyn Manson. Make them your role models. Sit and listen to it for hours. Watch movies like The Crow, Dracula, Beetlejuice, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Craft, and The Evil Dead movies. Memorize all the words.
Step #7
Have pets. Get a snake, a tarantula, a rat, or a black cat. Make sure you name them after serial killers, or something morbid like "Manson", "Agony", or something stupid like that. Just make sure it isnt normal.
Now that you know how to be gothic, you can blame your whining on your lifestyle. If you decide to be gothic, make sure you follow all of the advice above and be stereotypical. Also make sure to get so depressed that you kill yourself*, because everyone will want to do it for you.
*If you do anything I tell you to do, and death results, I assume no liabilities because you deserve it for being stupid enough to actually do anything I tell you.