this and that

I am horrified

Today while standing in line at Target, I had an experience.

Child behind me: “Mom, why does that lady have a staple in her nose?” *stares and points at me*

Mom:  *horrified, jaw drops*

Child: (before mom can answer, looks up at me and says to me) “My mom taught me how to use a stapler, but she told me to keep it away from my face”.

amirite??

• Do someone know what kind of micro- chips I had in my body that can be manipuleted by a mobile then gives me a headacque and burs my body loike i had shaved and put an aftershave?
• Where is she?
• How to say your dog has no nose in different languages?
• How many ants are in Egypt?
• Are crop circles the work of a cereal killer?
• If you drive a Porsche 911 through a swamp will your warranty still be valid?
• Would it be a good idea to genetically engineer giant turkeys and ride around on them?
• What are the effects of chocolate melting?
• Do wild deer eat chocolate buttons?
• How is HIV transmitted?
• How many civil war veterans are still alive?
• What is the best way to roast a tomato?
• How far does time go back?
• Why did he scratch your car?
• Why are clouds still white?
• If a dog sweats through his tongue, what are his armpits for?
• Can animals be racist?
• Is narcolepy different than narcolepsy?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html

So I was bored this evening, and went to google.com/trends. You can put a search string in and it will tell you which city/state has searched for this search string the most, usually in a top ten list. I selected to show results for the US only, and then I started putting crude things into it just to see who searched for the naughtiest things.

St. Louis, by far, is the dirtiest. See the results below.

Search strings St. Louis was #1 for:

sex
homosexual
dick
fucking
fucking animals
fucking butt
tits
rimming
poop
man boobs
fart
nipples
fat
enema
toilet paper
pubes
pubic hair
balls
nigger
painful sex

Search strings St. Louis was in the top 10 for:

ass (#8)
anal (#4)
testicles (#2)
pooping (#3)
fat sex (#10)
butt crack (#2)
dirty sanchez (#6)
douchebag (#6)
urethra (#7)
poontang (#3)
fucking dogs (#2)
anal sex (#3)
butt (#2)
butts(#2)
butt sex (#2)
bukkake (#8)
cock (#2)
taint (#6)
dildo (#2)
ding dong (#6)
fuck (#2)
boobies (#2)
diarrhea (#2)
cleveland steamer (#5)
blumpkin (#8)
dutch oven (#6)
glory hole (#2) [lost to atlanta]
rusty trombone (#3)

My teacher always says “you are diabetes” instead of “you are diabetic”. Thats funny to me.

There is this girl in my class named Maria. She is a moron. I have no idea how she’s gotten this far in nursing. She is seriously dangerously stupid:

1. Last semester when we learned about AIDS, the teacher told us that you could get it by vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, oral sex, etc.

Maria: *raises hand*
Teacher: Yes?
Maria: What is oral sex?
Teacher: *Just looks at Maria*
Maria: Is that where you kiss with your tongues???
Teacher: *visibly embarrassed*

etc etc

2. Today in class we learned about how coke causes chest pains, blah blah blah drug users come in thinking they are having heart attacks.

Teacher:”…so we have to teach our coke users to stop doing it.”
Maria: Drinking coke can give you a heart attack??
3. When men come into the hospital with heart attacks, we HAVE to ask them if they use viagra and if so, when is the last time they did. If not, because of the vasodilation viagra causes, you can kill them if you give them more vasodilators.

MARIA ASKED THE TEACHER WHAT VIAGRA WAS FOR.

Mrs. Moniyung was soooo embarrassed.

my long post is coming soon.

If you have looked over my tards page (which is currently down AND SOMEBODY WONT FIX), you are sure to have seen a crossdresser who goes by the name of Jennifer Merrill. He/she/it takes tons of pictures of himself, much to my delight. I was browsing myspace and I noticed he had a myspace profile with a link to his/her/its personal website, Jen’s Diva Den (lol). I thought I would post a link so you guys can see all the pictures yourself, because if you are like me and find crossdressers hilarious, you will love it.

ON TO JEN’S DIVA DEN!

He/she/it always has such a goofy look on their face. It cracks me up.

I almost forgot. Yesterday I saw something so clever it made me laugh outloud.

At Barnes and Noble in the humor books section, someone inserted a book from the sexuality section of the store called “The multiorgasmic Male”.

the mexicans have sign language. lol!

[i found this as a draft. i have no idea why i wrote it…or why i wrote it and never posted it. its from forever ago.]

CLICK HERE FOR FUN LAUGHING TIMES WITH NON-OWLS

tis my dad and my biological brother richie, btw.

how do you get a person with a phd in philosophy off your doorstep?

 pay him for the pizza.

I enjoyed looking at TSG’s gallery of their favorite silly mugshots.

Also, some mug shots I enjoyed that werent on their list:

Bad (Indian) Santa

The (doesnt) Thinker 

Vanilla Ice 

 Also there are quite a few I enjoy that arent from smoking gun, but from mugshots.com:

Thrilled african american

Disheveled beat up lethargic man

Perms dont keep you from getting arrested

Femullets dont either

Muslim with a toothache? 

She REALLY doesnt listen.

I dunno what happened, but I think this guy lost. 

I think if you actually followed this woman’s shirt’s instructions, you’d get a disease.

Scary looking white supremist. 

The dell dude 

The principal from Ferris Bueller who was busted for paying a 14 year old boy to pose explicitly.

I think this guy is wearing a cat tail as a wig.

The tattoos are actually real.

I think this is the strangest looking woman Ive ever seen. 

Halfro? 

Pretty much the best mugshot face ever. If I ever get arrested, Im doing this.

lol this MAN didnt have a physical exam upon entering prison and spent eight months in the women’s section before they found out

This mans hair reminds me of a blonde russian style hat.

When they arrested this scary looking man, he was wearing his mother’s clothing.

This guy’s real name for seriously is Harry Maiden. 

Not sure whether this guy is looking at the camera or not.

I really dont get this guy’s head. 

I bet you ten bucks this guy passes out early at parties. 

Im pretty sure this guy is missing part of his face.

Mugshots.com described this guy as looking like "a cat in curlers".

Im sure you’ve seen this everywhere by now but I still think its funny. 

I have no idea what is going  on with this womans hair.

I think thats about it. Hope you had fun. 

people should not act like retards at Best Buy infront of their camcorders with tapes in them plz

Lauren works at a grocery store.

Lauren Sangrey
AIM
4:42
the other night a homeless guy came in with a light saber strapped to his belt
4:42
and around his neck…
4:42
a buick hood ornament held on by a piece of yellow yarn
4:42
he didn’t have enough money for one whole beer so he had to run "home" to get the rest of his change