You should say “lavatory” just to piss them off more.

My great-grandfather’s name was Orlando Benajah Douglas (I am not making this up). He was a colonel in the Union army, from Vermont.

He didn’t order his men to slaughter a bunch of Southerners at the battle of Vicksburg for nothing. So say “toilet” and “grilled cheese sandwich” and “regular goddamn milk” with pride.