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So I just went outside at 4:47am and walked my dog. While Pepe was out adventuring on his extendy-leash, I walked over by a tree to investigate a weird shadow.

It was a bird sitting on one foot and I think it was asleep, as it did not stir as I approached it.

I figured I should wake it up and warn it of me and the canine beast’s presence, so it would not be devoured.  I was not sure what to say to a bird to wake it up. I mean, I could have probably said anything and it would have aroused, but I wasnt sure which words to pick, you know.

I decided on “Helloooo” with multiple Os because thats how I said it. I figured if birds could understand human greetings this one would be acceptable. The bird woke up and stood on two feet. Then it promptly flew forward INTO MY LEGS. It hit them and fell on the ground. Then it flew the other direction. I probably have leg AIDS now.

I hate birds. They seem so dirty and full of diseases and germs and fleas and flies and plagues and infections. I hate them.

I seriously miss him every day.

Did you know he holds a patent for a ballet shoe?

These are some of the women I work with on nightshift at work. They had a party and didnt invite me.

It is very warm, approximately 85 degrees F. Me and the dog just came back from outside. He is learning to go to the bathroom outdoors. There were bees outside. I hate bees. I hate those little hairs.

HAIRS!!!!

Vertical labret piercings are my favorite

Make sure your speakers are on. It makes me laugh plz

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/ 

I meant to make a picture blog of this day, and then got too busy that night to post it. Then I forgot. Now I found the pictures again and was reminded.

I get so many of my readers/website viewers asking me the same question: What is a day in the life of the Emily like? Well, I will show you with some pictures and a story.

Tuesday morning started out as a cool, but lovely morning. The sky was pretty, but anybody who knows anything knows that pink sky in the morning means it is going to rain:(. The lake beside my apartment was very nice to look at.

It was like 50 degrees outside and already pretty nice. The forecast said it would be in the 70s. Awesome.

Next I groomed the cat. I did not know she had that much extra hair lying around on her that needed to be removed. I collected the hair and put it on a standard sized paper plate I found under my bed for size reference.

Then I decided I should do just a bit of housework. Im a slob and there was a lot of trash around, so I picked some up. Also, when I went to get a tasty beverage from the fridge and nearly fell down at the horrid smell. The refrigerator was full of old nasty food, including a head of cabbage I do not remember purchasing. I forgot to take a picture of the refrigerator full of disgusting food, but I emptied it in THREE garbage bags, if that gives you any idea of the caliber of disgustingness.

I left them outside my door to make Adam throw them away for me. They was heavy.

Here is the refrigerator afterwards.

I realized at this point I had like no food in the house. I did have some beverages and condiments, only.

Oh, and that red bottle of milk in there is expired. I forgot to remove it. It is still there.

Pepe was not pleased with the odors coming from the fridge.

While taking the garbage out, I realized it was such a lovely day! I decided to take Pepe for a walk. Now as most of you know, its been very chilly for a while now, so I havent been able to take Pepe out. I tried, but every time I took him out, he’d just sit there and shiver and try to sit on my feet to get off the cold ground.

Me and Pepe had a very wonderful time out of doors. He LOVES it outside now. He kept trying to eat the daffodils and dandelions that have started blooming, though. None of the pictures of him outside came out because he was running around too much.

When we got inside, Pepe was exhausted. He took a nap.

So after this, I realized my stupid internet wouldnt work. I had to look in the phone book for Bellsouth’s number, when I found this awesome last name.

Fourth down, if you didnt realize its hilarious. MC ANALLY. Its so awesome, I cant even believe it.

Then the batteries died on my camera.

But, to sum up the rest of the day: I went to walmart and bought a ton of food, my internet service in the area was down and ended up not coming back on for like three hours, I watched the Borat movie again, and I cant remember what else.

I hope you enjoyed this. If you would like another “Day in the Life of Emily with Pictures” post, please comment and let me know.

I think I just saw the grossest thing I’ll ever see.

There is nothing else shocking left on the internet.

First, before I talk about my discovery, I want to discuss Dita Von Teese so we are all clear on my stance about her.Dita is of course, a very beautiful woman, I cant deny that. I love her vintage look; I love the pale skin, red lipstick, and black hair on her; I love her dainty features that give her a unique look.

However, I dont like that everyone considers her the ultimate pinup girl of today. Real pin up girls had curves and no plastic surgery. Dita has had multiple plastic surgeries, including breast implants. I dislike this.

Anyways, I found interesting photos of her before she was a “pin up model”. In fact, she used to have blonde hair.  I just thought it was funny because it is so different from her look today. Also, the last picture is horrendous.

that last one is sooo embarrassing!

so i started a grease fire in the kitchen today trying to make chocolate chip pancakes

there is a fire extinguisher on the inside of the kitchen sink cabinet but i couldnt get it off the door! whats the point of putting a fire extinguisher somewhere if it cant be easily removed when there is a fire????

So this past sunday night, I had like the worst patient ever. Fortunately, he was funny at some points, or I would have completely lost my mind. We will call him Mr. X for privacy reasons.

Me: Mr. X, can you tell me your name please?
Mr. X: Shit Damn!
Me: No, tell me your name.
Mr. X: FIRST NAME SHIT, LAST NAME DAMN!

He told me stories of his oldest grandchild who is a “humpbacked Puerto Rican” that raises three legged chickens. Mr. X likes the three legged chickens because they have 3 drumsticks and they are easier to catch because they cant run very well with the extra leg.

He ended up becoming very violent and had to be restrained. At first he was just confused and mean to his wife. He asked me if we had a barn. I asked him why he needed a barn. He stated that his “fat ass cow wife” needed a place to sleep. She started sniffling and almost crying and he kicked her. After that she finally broke down freaking out crying and I had someone take her to a waiting room and we ended up having to put three different kind of restraints on that man. He fought so much he even broke one of his leg restraints.

I ended up having to stay with only him while other people watched over my patients from 9pm to 3am. I about went nuts.

Pepe’s ears are still pulling shenanigans!!!

Now, that right one that slightly curled backwards is flopped forwards again.

teething makes their ears RIDICULOUS

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At work when we need the IV team to come put a new IV in a patient we page them with the patient’s room number.

The other day at work one of the nurses paged them as a joke and put in 80085 which  looks like boobs of course on a pager. Im sure you’ve done this on a calculator. It is hilarious.

Anyways they called and were like wtf

You know like if youre walking in your house with bare feet and youre as messy as I am and you step on a wrapper or a paper or like something on the floor and it sticks to your foot and you shake your foot around to get it off?

Well I stepped on a piece of a dvd wrapper and kicked my foot to get it off just as the cat jumped towards me.

I kicked her so hard in the face that it left a red mark on my foot, and it hurt.

It was like the coolest and worst thing Ive ever done on accident

MY BABEH!

Translation of what she says because apparently some people cant understand white trash:

My name is Victoria and I’m 15 years old and I dont care what my Mama says, Im gonna have a baby.

I will do whatever it takes to take care of my baby.  If it has to come down to prostituting my body, then so be it.

Im gonna dress my baby in all brand names, and if I cant afford it, then I guess Im gonna sell it. [referring to her underaged body]

My mama thinks Im not ready to have a baby, but I have everything my baby will need.

If my baby gets cold and it needs a blanket, its alright, because I have it. And if my baby needs clothes, its cool. I have tons of them. And if my baby loses a pacifier…I have three more.

Im not just having sex with one, not two, but tha-ree (three) different guys. Thats right, Im a playa, but thats cool, cuz I got it like that.

My life’s dream is to drop out of school, be on Girls Gone Wild, and to have my baby, and there is nothing my stupid mother can do to change my mind.

AMAZING