The spam emails I get are becoming more and more bizarre. Thats the only reason I take a look at them sometime. I LOVE the hilarious ways they word things to try to convince me to make my penis longer and harder or buy ridiculous other products. Also, I love the ridiculous jibberish they throw in to make it not look like spam. Also of course I am not going to include the URLs they include, but here are some examples of different spam lines and subjects:
#1- Subject: Did you know that Americans and Russians
Body: With our Viagra Soft Tabs you can crack nut$ with y0ur penis. seri0usly s@id Tonk$, as she $trapped Harrys trunk and Hedwigs.
ahahahaa crack nuts with your penis! that sounds awful.
#2- Subject: Your Luxury
Body: Leather, silk and white gold sound good? Visit our site for real photos.
Everything comes with a certificate, tags and all the extras, plus a warranty.
leading article heath peat loose-packed
swift-effected box barrow Greco-roman
pseudo humanism bean pot pitcher-shaped
titanic iron ore white-hot keg fig
binodal quartic gold-inlaid sea fisherman
volute compass backing jointer domino whist
smegma bacillus spirit-soothing spark discharge
terrapin paws star-bedizened cedar apple
wall gillyflower close-tempered linguistic area
wtf is up with all of those random words?? I do not want to purchase any luxuries from a company who uses the words “smegma” and “discharge” in their product information. Seriously. wtf. seriously, they said smegma. *shudders*
#3- Subject: She will be available for a date if youre taking Viagra soft tabs!
Body: Very s@d Germ@n stat1stic$ say in aver@ge that men older than 60 have $ex only once a month. With our Soft Viagra tabs you can have sex 30 times a month,
and 28 times only in February. You want to measure your penis but it is afraid of the ruler. With our Soft Viagra tabs it will remain hard and firm at least for 4 hours.
I am so glad that they reminded us of the 28 days in February. I was getting worried that someone was going to have to have sex extra on some days. I feel relieved now that they have permission to only go at it 28 times only in February.
#4- Subject: Your cash, neo-scholastic
Body: Even if you have no erectin problems SOFT CIAzLIS would help you to make BETTER SE X MORE OFTEN! and to bring unimagnable plesure to her. ==========
“Yes.”
about one thing. How I would unscrew the cap. I was trying to picture my
You won’t forget it.
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”
is for them disgrace and it is dishonor.
“All right, let’s heave-ho.”
And they have returned! And that… that can’t happen! Fletcher’s
We stuffed the empty into the boot and fixed it so that it wouldn’t
wtf? why did they end the story so abruptly? I was getting into that. But at last, I found another email from the same company with more of the story! Subject: Your cash, pearl eye. Too bad it doesnt all really fit together. Ol’ Fletcher is back though:
inventiveness marvelous to behold.
you, Slimy. You were a damned fool, and no one remembers your real name, but
Jonathan’s students.
So I decided the hell with it. The last time I had gone into the Zone at
You’d have a falcon’s short wings!
He spread out the map on the windowsill, leaned on his hands, and bent
Fletcher turned to his instructor, and there was a moment of fright
the flask was dry. It didn’t have that one last gulp that I needed, of
Again, ending too abruptly. I want to know what happens to Fletcher. lol, ok, Ive found another. Im just gonna start listing them cuz im guessing there will be more.
Subject: your health, milk-and-watery
The last point was the telling one, and Sullivan was right The gull
two months’ pay!”
little work… ”
know my opinion of the incomparable Godi Muller?”
“You will begin to touch heaven, Jonathan, in the moment that you
“No comment.” I broke into a run. But there was no getting away.
and love, of despair and frustration and loneliness, and you have a truly
little waving motions with his hand. Well, I’d better split, I thought. I
Subject: Your money, pastor-elect
A long silence. “Well, this kind of flying has always been here to be
hundred feet of clear space either on your left or your right. So, we can go
From a thousand feet, flapping his wings as hard as he could, he
spreading my arms innocently, and if I recall, shyly scuffing the sidewalk
at Earth from a pistol located somewhere along the Earth-Deneb line. Deneb
“Yet for the past two years you’ve been Canadian consultant to the UN
while. “That’s not half as bad as being ahead of our time.”
bench, my knees empty, my head empty, my soul empty. Gulping down the strong
Subject: Hi, mound bird
“To fly as fast as thought, to anywhere that is,” he said, “you must begin
“They are confidential. But I can tell you.” He frowned. “Let’s say, I
What are we trying to practice every day? If our friendship depends on
Nope. I must have imagined it. His back was clean. The rivulets of sweat
in human well-being; the striving for profit, with its associated
was ready to climb into it.
Chiang spoke slowly and watched the younger gull ever so carefully.
made for the door, but they caught me. I heard footsteps behind me.
#5- Subject: Portrait things artists DMX
Body:
mens unusually
diskperf
Highest
Child blocked rejects
Thats all the body says, but I thought it was funny. It does include a gif of the viagra prices, but the child blocked rejects was kinda cracking me up.
Also here is another one from the same company with a random list of words, subject: nativity available too:
inherent hung pathway
Foreign Export Codes Dynamics
E. Fuller DialUp Engle
Other Gay
#6- Subject: Make your girlfriend or wife speechless with increased hardness in bed!
Body: You never believed those who said size did not matter Modern technology and natural ingredients united to help you succeed Lear from the past, Live for today Look for tomorrow, take a nap this afternoon The more one knows, the less one believes Imagine your size increased and your abilities made perfect All the best male health titles gathered in one place for you. When children stand still they have done some ill The longest rope has an end Turtle nah want trouble mek he walk with he house pon he back. Silence is golden. Take your time and time will take you One, one dutty build dam.
#7- Subject: Do you want your girlfriend back?
Body: Y0ur wife prefers your dog’s penis to yours? Viagra Soft Tabs will make her lick your penis in a million. Always wanted to be like a superman: good-looking, courageous, fearless with a huge and strong penis.
ok, the dog penis thing was a little uncalled for.
And now, odd spam subjects that dont have interesting contents, but the subjects are so worth mentioning:
- Cash, off corn
- All your muscles are nothing if you cannot be proud of your penis
- You crave sweet buns but must lose weight?
- Uranus turns retrograde
- I tempted a baby with a cookie
- Order status, Non-aryan (getting a little racist now, are we?)
- I found hers crack
- Better bend than break Every cloud has a silver lining You are a long time dead (uhh…that went downhill fast…)
- Never guh a store ah night fuh buy black cloth.
- Eat well, stay fit, die anyway
- Too much sit down ah bruck trousers.
- Plant the crab tree where you will, it will never bear pippins People living in glass houses should not!
- See Naples and die (no thanks)
- If you try penis enlarge patch, you will be able to scratch your forehead with your penis.
- We promise that after trying penis enlarge patch, you dick wont look like overly boiled sausage. (uh…yuck?)
- as delicate as a baby’s eye lashes
- Love laughs at the locksmiths
Ok I am tired of going through spams, but man, I noticed some of these today and they made me laugh.
