this and that

being bored and seeing how far a qtip will go into your nose is a BAD idea.

i think its fantastically sad that i have to move everything i have out of one dorm to another and i cant find one person to help me.

they just told us yesterday we had until 7pm friday and then from 9-11PM saturday to remove everything we have from our old dorm rooms and the dorm would be locked for the summer. 

before the fire, i was planning on staying in my room all summer, so when i found out at 1pm yesterday, i had no boxes, no plans, and no help. I spent all afternoon packing and trying to move stuff. they assured me there would be volunteers around to help me.

about 3pm i have some stuff that is ready to be moved. i see one volunteer in the lobby and ask him for help. he notices i have 6 huge bags of trash and offers to take them out. he takes them out, never comes back. I go back out to the lobby, there are no more volunteers left, and its only 3 pm. It isnt like i waited til the last minute or it was really late or anything, and i needed help and there was nobody.

then i thought maybe someone would see me struggling and come help me, as i am only about 5′2" and only have little girl muscles. nobody stops to help. I got a piece of paper and wrote in big letters I NEED HELP PLEASE and taped it on the wall beside my door. not one person stopped and asked me if they could help. NOT ONE PERSON AT MY CHRISTIAN COLLEGE STOPPED TO HELP SOMEONE WHO NEEDED IT.

they are opening the dorm up at 9 for the last time before closing it for the summer. I have two hours to somehow get boxes and boxes of stuff to the 3rd floor of another dorm. by myself. i have tons of books and textbooks. I cant lift them. 

I spent all day thursday helping people move out of the dorm. I did it because I am nice. I try to do what I can for other people and i get CRAP or nothing in return.

something doesnt seem right.

what do you guys want 

i woke up in so much pain i had to go tell the person in the lobby i needed to see a doctor or nurse. she calls someone to come meet me at the student health center, even though its closed on the weekends. apparently my tonsils are "beefy red" and swollen, especially on the left. she did a rapid strep test and it was negative, but i still could have mono or something, so i may have to get further testing after antibiotics. i went to the store and bought comfort food and now i feel like a fatty. but i feel happier.

here they are:

notice the left one is much more swollen.

winndixie cashier: hi, thanks for shopping at winndixie today. how are you?

me: terrible. you?

winndixie cashier: fine, thanks. do you have your winndixie card with you today? 

lol.

ps my throat has been all crappy since tuesday. 

i sure would like to get my hands on stephen lynch 

remember the painy story from a week or two ago about my new ear piercing becoming embedded? yeah, same story this morning, cept the other ear. had to do the whole soaking thing, blood, yeah, ow. and that ear was doing SO well.

Lately I’ve been wishing I had one desire
Something that would make me never want another
Something that would make it so that nothing mattered
All would be clear then
But I guess I’ll have to settle for a few brief moments
And watch it all dissolve into a single second
And try to write it down into a perfect sonnet
or one foolish line
‘Cause that’s all that you’ll get so you’ll have to accept
You are here then you’re gone
But I believe that lovers should be tied together and
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
and left there to drown
Left there to drown in their innocence
But as for me I’m coming to the final chapter
I read all of the pages and there is still no answer
Only all that was before I know must soon come after
That is the only way it can be
So I stand in the sun
And I breathe with my lungs
Trying to spare me the weight of the truth
Saying everything you’ve ever seen was just a mirror
And you’ve spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever
And now you are laying in a bathtub full of freezing water
Wishing you were a ghost
But once you knew a girl and you named her Lover
And danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer
But autumn came, She disappeared
You can’t remember where she said she was going to
But you know that she’s gone ’cause she left you a song
That you don’t want to sing
We’re singing I believe that lovers should be chained together
And thrown into a fire with their songs and letters
And left there to burn
Left there to burn in their arrogance
But as for me I’m coming to my final failure
I’ve killed myself with changes trying to make things better
But I ended up becoming something other than what I had planned to be
Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
And layed entwined together on a bed of clover
And left there to sleep
Left there to dream of their happiness

A Perfect Sonnet by Bright Eyes 

When everything is wrong I’ll come talk to you
You make things alright when I’m feeling blue

You are my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do
Yes I do…
Yes I do

My Best Friend by Weezer 

 
ps this is what i look like when i wake up in the morning, lol

by jesse of standard ink, chattanooga, TN

ps he rocks and so does my friend emily who works there 

So yeah I got back from the aquarium and then I ate dinner with like, everybody I like at southern, including cj and even and nate and josh and ellen and just like a big group of awesome people.

Then I went to the showing of a film by a senior from my school. It was awesome. I sat with Josh M. and Nate. Josh M. is 1/4 Polish I found out as well…but with a last name like Michalski I probably should have been able to figure it out. He has massive muscles. Nate looks JUST LIKE "shorty" from Scary Movie (marlon wayans)…its soooooo funny. The movie was actually really good. My friends Even and Marjorie were in it…and so was Ms. Higgens, my comp teacher, and Mrs. Winters, my mental health nursing class teacher. I had a great time.

Then me and nate and mitch and josh were going to go watch a movie but like when we got to the theatre it was like too late for any of the movies we wanted to watch so we went and hung out at steak and shake. We all had milkshakes and made jokes, it was a lot of fun. Here are their pictures, just cuz you know how much I love taking them and they let me:

  
tis josh michalski

  
lol tis nate, he’s from columbus so we know tons of the same people. he looks seriously like wayans dude

tis mitch, cept i couldnt take a good pic of him cuz he was sitting beside me so i got this from the school’s joker so he wouldnt be left out haha

here is other random pictures I wanted to share with you:

 
tis my awesome friend even. this was the morning of the fire. he came over at like 4 or 5 something AM. I was very happy to have him there to talk to.

 
tis cj, he is awesome too…i will totally miss him over the summer:(

lol me and kristal saw this truck when we were at a gas station last weekend, sooo funny

tis my friend matt looking silly

then there is this

and jonah again

i <3 life

While it hardly seems appropriate to make a joyous entry, I have to. I went to the aquarium today with Jonah and it was awesome. We already had this planned and stuff and it was really good to get off campus.

We had a great time! It/he was so much fun. Jonah rocks more than anything evar and his arms are hot as all get out. He also gave me a grand tour of downtown chattanooga and we went to lunch too. I didnt eat of course, but he sure did try to make me try ham. He was so super sweet and awesome. Here are some pictures. They might not all be uploaded yet depending on when you look at this, but that is at least a start.

But yah, I had a great morning and afternoon and Jonah is teh coolest. 

http://www.southern.edu/april262005/

TOTAL THOUGHT DUMPAGE–WARNING 

I went to bed at a decent time last night. I set my alarm for 6am, as I had a nursing final today at 8 and wanted to study and get the best grade possible. I was awoken to a loud fire alarm at 3:45 am. I thought "what a terribly gay time for a practice drill!". I am not good at getting up so it took me a minute to get up and find clothes in my messy room. My room mate left before I did, so I made sure I picked up my room key incase we were still separated when we came back, and happened to pick up my cell phone which was sitting beside my key. As I was leaving my room, I realized I really had to pee. I nearly turned around to go real quick, since you always have all the time in the world with fire drills, but I smelled the faintest scent of smoke and decided to just wait. You see, sunday the alarm had gone off too, and somebody stupid had burned food in the kitchen in my hall and I was ticked off, so today I figured someone was up late studying for a final and burned their popcorn or something. So, angrily, I started walking down the hall, with a few other people because I had taken so long to get dressed.

As I got towards the lobby I heard shrill screaming. Horrible screaming, and pounding. I was like omg, why are people being so annoying this late at night? I continued walking out the double doors. When I got outside I approached a girl who was crying. I realized even thought it was 3:45 am and dark that her blonde hair and fair skinned face was black. Her teeth were black. Her lips were black, everything was black on her body and she was screaming "I cant find my room mate, she cant get out help help I cant find her" I then realized it was an actual fire. Smoke was billowing out of the top of the dorm. Within a few minutes there were massive red flames reaching terribly high. It was horrible. They took us all to the cafeteria. They did massive roll calls. They told us everyone was accounted for but several people were going to be taken to the hospital for smoke inhalation. I knew two of these people, but only knew that I knew one of them. I saw Jen…she was hyperventilating, and her blonde hair was also black and her face was totally smeared with black and there was ashes in her hair.

We sat around for a long time. Rumors were going around–someone had caught a couch on fire by accident on the 3rd floor in the west wing and people had been trapped. A couch was set on fire, but I dont know how, and people had been trapped inside. We were all shaken up and upset of course but sat around waiting to find out what was happening, how bad the fire was, etc. Then all of the sudden the president of our school , Dr. Bietz comes up front. Everyone is asked to be quiet, but there is still quiet chatter around the room. Dr. Bietz starts talking. "We have lost a life to smoke inhalation….."and he is crying. The room fell completely silent. Nobody spoke, moved, thought, nothing. Only Dr. Bietz. He was crying an crying as he explained how a girl had been trapped inside and they couldnt get to her and she had died. They didnt tell us her name. Her boyfriend was there though and so we all found out quickly who it was.

I thought everybody was ok. They did numerous role calls and said everyone was accounted for which we all took to mean basically ok. Then I found out who it was. Her name was Kelly Weimer.  She was THE sweetest, nicest girl ever. She was one of the only people who smiled and spoke to me each time we saw each other. My school set up a little forum to talk about her and this is what I posted:

"While I was not extremely close friends with Kelly, I will always remember the first time we met. I was sitting alone in health for life class my freshman year, since I did not know anybody or have any friends at southern yet. She approached me with a huge smile on her face and asked if I wanted a friend to sit with. From then on out we sat together and talked daily throughout the semester, and I enjoyed her friendship immensely.

Kelly was one of those people that you cant miss in a group of people; she was beautiful, bright, friendly and always had a smile for everyone.

May she always be remembered as the wonderful person who never had a frown on her face. "
 

It hasnt really hit me totally yet. I havent cried. I guess I am just in a state of shock still. Ive not really ever known someone my age who has died, except once. I had a friend my sophomore year of HS who killed himself. I’d known him since I was like 5, but I hadnt seen him in like 2 years. I saw Kelly every single day. Sometimes more than once a day. AND SHE ALWAYS WAS SO NICE.

Im just so traumatized….the screaming I heard and the pounding…that could have been her. She was stuck in her room. I got out and I heard her screaming. I got out and sat there and whined about it being cold while she died. The girls with the blackened faces and hair…I dont know. It was the same floor my sister was on, it could have been her. The girl who died’s room was 2 stories directly above my good friend Kristal’s room. The floors collapsed and stuff…I mean Krystal could have been killed even.

Im sitting here and I just keep hearing those screams over and over. They were so shrill and the pounding….I cant stop hearing them repeating in my head. I smell like smoke and I feel sick. 

Also, I took pictures of the damage so that you can see how awful it was. It was on national tv and stuff even…Here is a news article about the fire. Like, every news team has been here. They interviewed my sister. I didnt go outside, I didnt want to be asked to talk on tv and cry because I looked like crap seeing as to how I havent had any sleep. I suck. sort of.

Also many thanks to everyone who heard about it and has called me for support and to make sure I am ok, especially Jonah and Jamie and Lauren and especially Rickie. Rickie, if you are reading this, your call meant so much to me like you dont even know. It almost made me cry. The fact that you thought of me and called meant more to me than anything. It made my day/week/month/year. You are the greatest, I owe you big time. Seriously, I dont even know how to express my gratitude. Jonah too, I am so glad to have friends who care. Thank you guys so much.

I dont even know where I am going to stay tonight. They havent told us yet if we can stay in our rooms that werent damaged yet. They let us briefly go in and get some stuff and get out. I grabbed my computer and some books and some clothes and personal hygiene items and got out of there. I dont see how we could stay there anyways, the smell of toxic like fumes was too strong. Like when you burn plastic or foam or something…it was so strong me and kristal have a headache and my throat hurts. So yeah, I dont know where I am going to stay.

I am so excited for wednesday to come!

I will take pictures of me and Jonah’s fish adventure to show you all!

I have a massive final at 8am tomorrow!

I have a super boring 3 hour meeting tomorrow!

I have a short but dumb meeting tomorrow with my clinical instructor so she can tell me what I did badly on and put it on my permanent job record!

I found a can of tuna in the hall!

I am happy today!

I had a good day today!

I need to do laundry really bad!

I hate the dentist!

Kristal liked my shirt so much that she made me let her take a picture of me in it! I got it for like a quarter at the thrift store!

Kathryn makes awesome photoshops! <3 to her plz!

I had an awesome hair day today!

It is still cold here!

my nipples are sticking out of my shirt goshdarnit
 

i have like 4 everclear songs on itunes

lololol 

JONAH IS GOING TO GO WITH ME TO THE AQUARIUM ON WEDNESDAY HOORAH

 finally somebody who doesnt think fishes are gay

ps jonah rocks

stop spam commenting me fags

I got the message long before you said you knew
There was no chance of us at all
With no velocity and empty-headed hard and far too long
I spent two years alone with you
Just when I thought I had forgotten
You came back soft without a sound

You said we were an accident
With accidents you’ll never know what could have been
So we were an accident
You’ll always be my favorite one

You hit the road and left me an ocean
I can’t swim in the silence of your skin-skin please let me in
Side the times we never had right
Inside two years alone with you

You said we were an accident
With accidents you’ll never know what could have been
So we were an accident
You’ll always be my favorite one

we could have been
we could have been
instead of accidental running always running
why can’t you believe

Long winded promises of future company
Up close the sound remains the same
Without the reign of terror over every momentary change
We are exactly as before

You hit the road and left me an ocean
I can’t swim in the silence of your skin-skin please let me in
Side the time I had to forget you
Inside no chance of us at all

My Favorite Accident By Motion City Soundtrack

sooo catchy and the music video is neat. i sure would like to place my hands on the lead singer

i am laughing literally outloud.

IT IS SNOWING AT MY HOUSE IN OHIO

what a fag state

lololololol 

its like almost may 

i live in the one that says pike if you are interested 

click here for all the sexiness you could ever handle

and you guys dont

cry plz

I burned myself twice with my curling iron today, on the neck.

I talked to CJ. Apparently them mens dont hate me, he says they all think I am "cool".

I have a final on Sunday. That sucks so incredibly badly.

I ate lunch today with Rickie and Shellina. I had a great time. They are really really nice and interesting as well.

I donated blood today. They did not give me a t-shirt.

I hung out with Matt after all that.  

The girl infront of me in comp class told me that my nails were pretty and asked where I got them put on. I said I didnt, they are real. She didnt believe them and had to touch them for me to prove it.

I woke up in the night with pain in my left ear, where I got my new piercings. I just thought I accidentally layed on it the wrong way or something, since I cant lay on them at all since they are healing, etc. I was just so tired I went back to sleep. When i woke up it was still hurting, and when I felt it I felt crusty stuff so i went and looked in the mirror. There was blood all over my ear, neck, and side of my face. It actually looked pretty cool, I should have taken a picture. Anyways, so I examine my ear close up and its just a bloody gross swollen mess and I cant even see my glass plug at all. Its like buried inside my ear at an angle, and glued in there with blood. I tried moving it and it was seriously stuck. I began to panic. I ended up having to soak my ear in a cup of hot water for a half an hour to loosen it. Even then, when I took it out fresh blood started pouring everywhere, and I had nursing lab in a half hour. I barely got it to stop in time to leave. It still looks kinda bloody. I am in pain. It is like throbbing with pain and so is my head. Dont any of you ever call me a wimp, fags.

I went to starbucks with some mens last night. I dont think they like me. One of them was particularly nice though, his name is Even, he goes to school with me. We have a good amount of things in common, especially musical taste. What weirds me out though is that like his screen name this is Kid E. Its super weird because Ive used that screen name before….its so odd to me for some reason. For those of you who arent radiohead fans or familiar with their albums, they have one called Kid A….and both our names start with E obviously so that is where it comes from. derr. Anyways that is weird but he seems cool.

I watched a crazy movie in class today. It was the true story of this chick who had 16 multiple personalities. For those of you how dont know much about it, people with multiple personalities (or to be correct, it is now called Dissociative Identity Disturbance) almost ALWAYS have a history of being severly abused. This girl like seriously had the worst things done to her, it was nuts….seriously. Things like cold water enemas, being hung from hooks by her arms, flashlights stuck in her vagina, and her mother had mangled her reproductive organs so badly that she couldnt even have kids. It was not just all that stuff though, even more. It was crazy. I cant believe its really a true story.

I hate walking in the rain. 

I am in seriously so much pain

 the worst thing evar happened

I cant write about it right now cuz I have to go to nursing lab but MAN am I hurting.  

I received a card in the mail today from my mom’s best friend. She is awesome. She also gave me a $20 gift card for walmart. lol. i wish they sold rabbits, i would buy me one of them.

outside my next door neighbors door there is a sign saying "free stuff" and there is a container of slimfast mix and 2 pill bottles.

She said, "Don’t, don’t let it go to your head.
Boys like you are a dime a dozen,
Boys like you are a dime a dozen."
She said…"You’re a touch over-rated.
You’re a lush, and I hate it."
But these grass stains on my knees,
They won’t mean a thing

[Chorus]
And all I need to know is that I’m something you’ll be missin’
Well, maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that..

I’d never lie to you
Unless I had to, I’ll do what I got to
Unless I had to, I’ll do what I got to
The truth…is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt

[Chorus]

Cuz I’m a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This’ll be the last chance you’ll get to drop my name
Cuz I’m a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This’ll be the last time you’ll get to drop my name

If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar
If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar
If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar
If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar
If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar
If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar
If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar
If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar
Maybe I should hate you for this
Maybe I should hate you for this

i have only slept like 9 hours and havent eaten at all in teh past 48 hours. woohoo etc