silly aim conversations!

triooo_1: hi
emily_strange_13: hi
triooo_1:how r u
emily_strange_13: who is this?
triooo_1: this my niece lojayna [ed. note: wtf???]
triooo_1: i’am muhammad from egypt
triooo_1: we talked before
emily_strange_13: oic, how are you?
triooo_1: i’am pretty fine, u?
emily_strange_13: I am sad
triooo_1: why
emily_strange_13: I am soooo lonley! All 14 of my boyfriends dumped me, and I am sooo horny.
triooo_1: ooh sorry
emily_strange_13: me too. my virginia is on fire with lust like a fountain
triooo_1: vagina
emily_strange_13: thats what i said
triooo_1: No, u said virginia.
emily_strange_13: Oh yes in america we call it a virginia sometimes. it is sexier that way.
triooo_1: its like the name of an Queen from england
emily_strange_13: Queen Virginia?
triooo_1: yes
emily_strange_13: Oh, yeah.
triooo_1: she’ was a legend of beauty there
emily_strange_13: amazing
triooo_1: & all over eroupe
emily_strange_13: you sure know a lot about eroupian history
triooo_1: it’s true story & legend
emily_strange_13: AND legend? cool! Thanks for teaching me something today muhammed.
triooo_1: yes she’s not famous but she was the most pretty woman & all kings & prince was horney on her face not even body
emily_strange_13: I wish men were horney on my face. all over my face.
triooo_1: do u have a pic
emily_strange_13: Are you horny on my face?
triooo_1: i didn’t saw it yet
emily_strange_13: oh ok
triooo_1: i like commetment & marriage i hate to know much girls. just one & b my wife& neva look for another
emily_strange_13: So you dont want to have sexual intercourse with me?
triooo_1: why
emily_strange_13: Im really horney babby
triooo_1: how old r u emily
emily_strange_13: 81
triooo_1: ooh too old to be horney
emily_strange_13: i mean 18
triooo_1: aha. we can control of our bodies, i mean muslims & good believer
emily_strange_13: we can have muslim sex like two dirty little terrorists!
triooo_1: try to control urslef don’t b horny except u wanna b
emily_strange_13: lets have muslim cybar sex then baby
triooo_1: i’am not terrorists
emily_strange_13: sure you are. now bang me!
emily_strange_13: *takes off all my clothes*
emily_strange_13: *takes off all your clothes*
triooo_1: everytime u say that i’am terrorist
emily_strange_13: Im hot and ready take me now
emily_strange_13: *you shove your sand covered ding dong in my hoohah*
emily_strange_13: Mmmmm YES! oh yes give it to me jihad man!
triooo_1: jihad? hoohah??
emily_strange_13: no call yourself osama
emily_strange_13: that’s hotter
emily_strange_13: do me harder, osama
emily_strange_13: *you do me harder*
triooo_1: ok bye i hate that
emily_strange_13: OH OSAMA BANG ME WITH YOUR WEINER OF TERRORISM
triooo_1: i’am not terrorist
emily_strange_13: YOU SEXY TOWEL HEADED BEAST
emily_strange_13: *you put your weiner in my pooper*
emily_strange_13: oh hot your camel just started licking your balls from behind
emily_strange_13: mmm you know thats how i like it
emily_strange_13: *you blow up*
emily_strange_13: omg you faggy suicide bomber. silly terrorist, come back!
triooo_1: i’am not terrorist
emily_strange_13: you are supposed to come back from the dead now
emily_strange_13: and bang me with your zombie muslim weiner
triooo_1: i’am egyptian man
emily_strange_13: *pees on the koran*
triooo_1: good one muslim. bye
emily_strange_13: you made me so horny, thanks for the hot muslim cybar sex
triooo_1: sorry for bothering uemily_strange_13
emily_strange_13: *hands you your pee sopping koran back and accidentally soils your dress. I MEAN ROBE THINGY*
triooo_1: i didn’t said anything to b horny
emily_strange_13: dangerous men make me wet…oh man when you suicide bombed yourself it was sooo incredibly sexy baybee
emily_strange_13: and all muslims are dangerous terrorists, by the way.
emily_strange_13: well i am going to go eat some delicious american food and breathe the sweet air of freedom that you’ll never know since you live in some crappy muslim place. have fun with your goats. bye!

This young man emailed me from hotornot.com. Apparently he thinks he is really cool. Here, just so you know the background information, is his profile picture link and also the email he sent:

his picture: http://pix4.hotornot.com/pics/HL/H8/HE/KE/KZOSOSGLGBCS.jpg

most of the email:

I'm 24, and more than the usual amount of interesting and

funny, so you'd better like to laugh. You sound like you might make an

interesting friend, so let's get together for a cup of something

wonderful and some stimulating conversation... if you think you can

handle it, that is!

Later,

Bryan

If you didnt notice, thats totally gay. Cup of something wonderful? Gasoline is wonderful cuz it makes my car go. He needs to be more specific. If I think I can handle him? What does he think he is??

Here is what happened when I messaged him:

me: The note you sent me from Hot or Not was horrid.

AerofanTN: horrid???

me: Yes, it was really lame

AerofanTN: you think?

me: Yeah, totally.

AerofanTN: how so?

me: "let's get together for a cup of something

wonderful" = lame

AerofanTN: you must have a lot of time on your hands to waste to be IM'ing me about this

me: "if you think you can

handle it, that is!" = super lame

AerofanTN: If you don't want to talk to me then FUCK OFF

me: Yeah, I totally do have plenty of time to waste because I am on my semester break!

me: I do want to talk to you, to tell you that you are lame.

AerofanTN: I'm not lame, you just have poor taste, now fuck off

AerofanTN logged out.

I SWITCH USERNAMES BECAUSE HE BLOCKED ME

me: Hey guess what

AerofanTN: what?

me: YOU ARE LAME!

AerofanTN: get a fucking life

me: youre so lame you make maury look awesome

AerofanTN Not logged in

SWITCHED USERNAMES AGAIN BECAUSE HE BLOCKED ME YET AGAIN

me: hey want to go to my website??

me: www.youarefreakinglame.com

me: your email was the worst email ive ever received, lame-o boy

AerofanTN Not logged in

I SWITCH USERNAMES AGAIN BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY

me: hey whats your favorite tv show? mine is BRYAN IS LAME

AerofanTN: are you 12 or something?

me: yes

me: Thats right, I am 12.

me: you have guessed correctly, Captain Lame-O.

me: You masturbate to pictures of Rosie O'Donnell

me: You like to have sex with little boys

me: and grandmas.

me: hey bryan

AerofanTN Not logged in

I SWITCH USER NAMES AGAIN. I HAVE WAY TOO MANY.

me: hey bryan

me: do you go to Lame University? cuz if not i think you could get a full ride for free!

AerofanTN Not logged in

YOU GUESSED IT

me: You cant win, I have a millions of screen names!

(18:33:37) AerofanTN logged out.

YES I HAVE EVEN MORE!

me: hey bryan you suck

me: you suck big floppy donkey balls

AerofanTN: who the hell are you?

me: You clicked yes to me on HoN

me: I am a girl.

AerofanTN: ok, that doesn't narrow it down for me at all

me: I have red hair

me: and I am making a kissy face in my picture because I love everyone except you

me: cuz youre really lame :)

AerofanTN: gotcha

AerofanTN: you must have really low self esteem if you put this much effort into insulting strangers OVER THE INTERNET

me: Yah you totally suck and you like to lick your grandmother

me: No actually I have a just fine amount of self esteem

me: I just want you to know you are totally stupid and need to be killed. BTW your picture on hotornot is really lame

me: what, are you supposed to be some sort of space man

me: youre the faggiest space man ive ever seen

me: faggy mclame

AerofanTN: I was just screwing around with photoshop

me: yeah you suck at photoshop too

me: dont you have an appt. to go spank your grandpa or something?

AerofanTN: my god! who the hell asked you? go the hell away jackass

me: Nobody asked me, I am freely volunteering my opinions to you so that you can better yourself

me: because I CARE :)

me: where did you go faggot

me: BRYAN

AerofanTN: what?

me: did you leave to go suck your dog's penis

me: or was it to clip your mom's toenails

me: or did you leave to watch disney movies??

AerofanTN: wow! you're so damn creative! you're the fucking insult master

me: I know it i am great

me: I thought your letter said you are "more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so you'd better like to laugh."

me: where does the interesting and funny part start

me: i am waiting

AerofanTN: I'm not into 12 yr olds

me: Yeah, because I am really actually 12.

AerofanTN: well you fucking talk like it, so why should I believe otherwise

me: I totally look like a flat chested 12 year old

me: oh my dont curse at me you hardcore faggot, i am so upset

me: bryan where did you go

AerofanTN: I don't feel the need to talk to you

AerofanTN: I was hoping you went somewhere

me: No, I am right here:)

AerofanTN: well damn

me: So why is it that you are so lame?

AerofanTN: I think the real question is: why is it that you think that I am lame?

me: I told you earlier

me: your picture was the worst part.

AerofanTN: not really, you just said this is lame and that is lame, never a why

me: I dont know why you are lame, thats why I am asking you!

me: Maybe your parents are lame, and it was hereditary.

me: Or maybe you have aids

AerofanTN: and honestly, I'm not terribly concerned about your oppinion and I don't need to justify myself to you

AerofanTN: WTF?

AerofanTN: aids?

AerofanTN: WTF does aids have to do with anything?

me: people with aids are lame

me: so i thought maybe you had THE AIDS

me: especially since your a little faggot

AerofanTN: what does being a faggot have to do with aids? just as many straight people have aids

me: no, more fags have it

me: God invented the aids to get rid of fags

AerofanTN: God doesn't exist. ha!

me: Sure he does, your agnostic moron!

me: ooooh arent you an intellectual!

AerofanTN: damn!

me: You think youre sooo cool and sooo modern by saying God doesnt exist, but you are wrong and that makes you lamer.

AerofanTN: ok, but the christian god doesn't exist then

AerofanTN: how am I wrong?

me: Sure, God exists.

AerofanTN: prove it

me: Prove there isnt, moron.

me: Anyways, I didnt message you to discuss whether there was a god or not, the point I would like to make is that you are really lame and you need a new picture on HoN because you are not a space man.

AerofanTN: yeah, you've told me that already, why are we still talking?

me: because you have to accept and admit how lame you are first

AerofanTN: If I do, will you go away?

me: No!:)

AerofanTN: you must not have any friends, I'm so sorry

me: No, youre right, I dont

me: and that totally correlates!

AerofanTN: I thought this was really funny :"Hi, this is a message brought to you by a HoN moderator. "Hiding" your user names in your picture doesnt work, neither does putting asterisks in between the letters. We read them. Derrrr."

thats what my profile says on hotornot.com just fer your information.

me: Oh, thank you bryan!

AerofanTN: don't mention it

AerofanTN: gotta go

me: you know what, you sound like an OK guy.

me: Lets start over.

AerofanTN: haha

me: Nice to meet you, I am emily.

me: I am a college student from Tennessee, and I think youre really lame.

me: wait sorry

me: I meant I think youre pretty cool

me: Nice to meet you!

AerofanTN: yeah... um... you too

AerofanTN: ttyl i guess

(19:02:39) me: where are you going

AerofanTN Not logged in

me: where did you go butthole

AerofanTN Not logged in

I guess he left me.

needsleepnow14: hi, lol

emily_strange_13: hello

needsleepnow14: hey

needsleepnow14: how are you?

emily_strange_13: I am not so good

needsleepnow14: sorry to hear that

emily_strange_13: my interjectionitis is acting up

emily_strange_13: HOLY COW!

needsleepnow14: huh, lol

emily_strange_13: its a condition, where if not treated i have a compulsion to yell interjections

emily_strange_13: please excuse them, you seem really kewl

needsleepnow14: lol

emily_strange_13: its not funny

needsleepnow14: sorry, I didn't mean to be like that

needsleepnow14: like I said, you're 14 right?

emily_strange_13: yes

needsleepnow14: I didn't look at your profile, I thought you were older, lol

needsleepnow14: you seem cool though

emily_strange_13: Thanks, you too

emily_strange_13: So what kind of music do you like?

needsleepnow14: stuff before your time, 1980s

needsleepnow14: Rush and the like

emily_strange_13: I like 80s too though! my favorite band will always be tears for fears

emily_strange_13: YOWZA! BANANA HUMP BABY YEAH YEAH!

needsleepnow14: I'm just a big nerd, lol

emily_strange_13: i like nerds hehe

needsleepnow14: ya, I just turned 21

emily_strange_13: kewl whens your birthday

needsleepnow14: august 10th

emily_strange_13: kewl mine was in june

needsleepnow14: happy b-day

emily_strange_13: you two!

emily_strange_13: so what do you do for fun

emily_strange_13: BABY JESUS AND THE ORPHANS!

needsleepnow14: nothin much

emily_strange_13: brb

needsleepnow14: k

emily_strange_13: Kewl, my favorite things to do is play on my school's soccer team, watch movies, fecal sculptures, hang out with frinds, and also I like to play nintendo.

needsleepnow14: I have 12 game consoles in my bedroom

emily_strange_13: whoa

emily_strange_13: you are so kewl

emily_strange_13: FAGGOT IN A SWEATER!

emily_strange_13: I only have nintendo 64

needsleepnow14: ps2, ps1, game cube, x-box, dreamcast

needsleepnow14: I can go on and on

emily_strange_13: wow you are like a hardcore gamer

emily_strange_13: gee youre swell

needsleepnow14: kinda

emily_strange_13: so, do you like anal?

needsleepnow14: wha

needsleepnow14: you're 14, lol

needsleepnow14: why do you wanna know that?

needsleepnow14: lol

emily_strange_13: your butt looks really hot

emily_strange_13: i'd like to rub it with oil and then jam my cock in your tight hole baby

emily_strange_13: hows that sound

needsleepnow14: uhhhhh, first, you're 14 and second, you're a chick

needsleepnow14: NOT A GUY, LOL

emily_strange_13: I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THAT

emily_strange_13: that was my gay older brother

emily_strange_13: i went to the bathroom and he got on the computer

emily_strange_13: sorry

emily_strange_13: so what is your name?

needsleepnow14: Tim

emily_strange_13: nice to meet you Tim, I am Frebecca

needsleepnow14: hi

emily_strange_13: so what is up

needsleepnow14: bored

needsleepnow14: surfing internet

emily_strange_13: neat

needsleepnow14: it's ok

emily_strange_13: WHOS YOUR DADDY!!!

emily_strange_13: sorry, darn interjectitis

emily_strange_13: whats your favorite movie

needsleepnow14: Gladiator

emily_strange_13: I like the movie Depends

needsleepnow14: cool

emily_strange_13: do you like it

emily_strange_13: I love the part where the elderly man finds out that all his adult diapers have been stolen and is forced to urinate on himself daily

emily_strange_13: the look on his face kills me every time

needsleepnow14: lol

emily_strange_13: do you play any sports?

needsleepnow14: backyard football

emily_strange_13: football is cool

emily_strange_13: DIRTY SKANK!

emily_strange_13: sometimes i lplay with my brothers and their friends

emily_strange_13: but my brother always tackles me and tries to stick his fingers up my butt

emily_strange_13: i dont like it

needsleepnow14: that's weird and gross

emily_strange_13: yeah

emily_strange_13: he is mean to me

needsleepnow14: should tell your mom bout that

emily_strange_13: sorry about him earlier

emily_strange_13: I did

emily_strange_13: my mom likes it though when he does it to her

emily_strange_13: so she doesnt believe me

needsleepnow14: that's wierd

emily_strange_13: yah she is into some odd stuff. she always has weird friends over at our house

needsleepnow14: hmmmm

needsleepnow14: I don't know what to say

emily_strange_13: Oh, its ok

emily_strange_13: some of them give me free hand lotion, and all i had to do was suck it out of a tube! they are really nice.

needsleepnow14: blindfolded?

emily_strange_13: they just told me i had to close my eyes or it wouldnt work

needsleepnow14: *groan* ok

emily_strange_13: ? what is wrong

needsleepnow14: nothing, lol

emily_strange_13: then why do you groan, tim?

needsleepnow14: I dunno

emily_strange_13: COWABUNGA!

emily_strange_13: so do you go to school or anything

needsleepnow14: I go to school and work

emily_strange_13: kewl where do you work

needsleepnow14: at a navy base

emily_strange_13: awesome

emily_strange_13: my mom always talks about how much she loves seamen

needsleepnow14: really

emily_strange_13: yah she really likes them I guess.

needsleepnow14: ya

emily_strange_13: she always says she wants them all over her face. I dont know really what that means though

emily_strange_13: so what are you going to school to be?

needsleepnow14: computer programmer

emily_strange_13: kewl i think i want to be a doctor

emily_strange_13: brb

needsleepnow14: uh, ok

emily_strange_13: sorry about that, my mom yelled for me

needsleepnow14: for what?

emily_strange_13: she wanted me to answer the door

emily_strange_13: i didnt hear anyone knockm

needsleepnow14: who is there?

emily_strange_13: I dunno, some guy who says he is here to fix my moms sink in her bathroom

emily_strange_13: it seems awfully late for that but i dunno

emily_strange_13: COCK SUCKER!

needsleepnow14: bad question, have you ever had sex?

emily_strange_13: Not yet, have you

needsleepnow14: ya

emily_strange_13: neat

emily_strange_13: my frind told me it was prety cool

needsleepnow14: how old is your friend

emily_strange_13: she just turned 15

needsleepnow14: little young

emily_strange_13: i gues so

needsleepnow14: oh well

needsleepnow14: lol

emily_strange_13: why did you want to kno?

needsleepnow14: your house sounds weird and I just thought that I'd ask

emily_strange_13: Oh

needsleepnow14: lol

needsleepnow14: not to sound mean

emily_strange_13: i wouldnt think you are mean

emily_strange_13: i like you

needsleepnow14: ya, I'm a nice guy

needsleepnow14: I hope that's what you mean, lol

emily_strange_13: SCHLEROSIS! PUT IN MAH BUTT CHARLES!

emily_strange_13: yah you are very kewl

needsleepnow14: sounded like you were coming on to me for a sec, lol

emily_strange_13: I'll come on you baby

emily_strange_13: all over your pretty little face and mouth

emily_strange_13: then i'll slap you with my man meat, baby

needsleepnow14: your brother again *sigh*

emily_strange_13: no this is not my brother

emily_strange_13: this is me

emily_strange_13: and i want to lick your anus

emily_strange_13: this has been a guy all along

emily_strange_13: pretending to be a girl

emily_strange_13: ahahaha you lose

needsleepnow14: figured as much

needsleepnow14: oh well

emily_strange_13: I masturbate to your pictures

needsleepnow14: what pics, lol

needsleepnow14: YOU HAVE NONE

emily_strange_13: all the ones you have on the internet

emily_strange_13: and the ones i took of you in your bathtub

needsleepnow14: Funny

emily_strange_13: you stuck your penis in the drain

emily_strange_13: you like to have sex with your blow up doll in their too

needsleepnow14: goodbye

emily_strange_13: how about a threesome

emily_strange_13: me you and that doll

emily_strange_13: baby dont go

emily_strange_13: I need you now more than ever

needsleepnow14: I"M NOT GAY

emily_strange_13: Im not gay either

needsleepnow14: I DON"T LIKE MEN

emily_strange_13: I just like guys

emily_strange_13: cant you make an exception

needsleepnow14: I DON"T LIKE GUYS

emily_strange_13: Im not a guy

emily_strange_13: Im like a girl with a penis

needsleepnow14: your a guy

emily_strange_13: i'll dress up in high heels and a dress for you

needsleepnow14: goodbye

emily_strange_13: where are you going

emily_strange_13: dont you want me to finger your butt?

emily_strange_13: Come on, Timmy, lets get it on

needsleepnow14: uh, no, go away

emily_strange_13: not until you sleep with me

needsleepnow14: You really want me to hit the ignore button, huh?

emily_strange_13: come on, ride me like a cowboy baby

emily_strange_13: no

emily_strange_13: please dont ignore me

emily_strange_13: i want you

needsleepnow14: goodbye

emily_strange_13: lets be lovers

emily_strange_13: no wait

emily_strange_13: please

emily_strange_13: lets just start as friends then

emily_strange_13: I think we could really have sex

emily_strange_13: i mean fun

emily_strange_13: as friends

emily_strange_13: maybe go to movies n stuff

needsleepnow14: NOT WITH GUYS

emily_strange_13: we could play football

emily_strange_13: you like football

emily_strange_13: right??

needsleepnow14: look, I am not interrested in a relationship

needsleepnow14: ok

emily_strange_13: so you are just turning me down like that

emily_strange_13: we have been talking for hours, baring our souls to one another and you are just dumping me on the side of the road like a used cumrag past its prime?

emily_strange_13: you have a cold, cold heart tim

emily_strange_13: I thought we had something

emily_strange_13: i thought i was special to you

emily_strange_13: i love you

emily_strange_13: doesnt that mean anything to you??

emily_strange_13: Please Tim. What do you want from me? Do you want marriage first? I'll do it.

emily_strange_13: Timothybear?

emily_strange_13: Tim Timmy tim

emily_strange_13: boyfriend?

Cybaring is fun.

emedli: like to cyber?

emedli: ???

sweetbritney08: i duno i havent tride

emedli: oohhh

emedli: we can have nice time

sweetbritney08: realy

emedli: yes

emedli: im hard baby

sweetbritney08: what do you mean hard

emedli: my dick is hard

emedli: like?

sweetbritney08: you have erection?

emedli: mmmmmmm

emedli: like to suck me?

sweetbritney08: mmmm yah baby i want to suck your cock meat like a hoover vacuum on a green shag carpet covered in crumbs

emedli: ?

sweetbritney08: i am getting extremely sexually exited!11111

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: baby

emedli: get on knees

sweetbritney08: my virginia is dripping with a lubrication like fish flavored aunt jemima syrup

sweetbritney08: i am on knees

emedli: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sweetbritney08: i would like to lick your penis

emedli: ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

emedli: suck me now

sweetbritney08: i will make it explode with a fit of white semen fury!!!

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sweetbritney08: i carress your penis

emedli: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss

emedli: like see it?

sweetbritney08: i love your vienna sausage you sex beast

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: let me fuck ur mouth

emedli: hold ur head and fuck ur mouth

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sweetbritney08: your penis slides in and out of my moth and my teeth slice it to sexy weinie shreds

sweetbritney08: you are so hot

emedli: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

sweetbritney08: you make my nipples hard like two poky little communists

emedli: get on doggiestyle baby

sweetbritney08: i get on doggie style and spread mayonnaise on your buttocks

sweetbritney08: ohhhhhhhh yeaahhhhhhhhhhh you are sooo good at cybaring

emedli: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

emedli: babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

sweetbritney08: i slap your face with roast beef

sweetbritney08: mmmmm oh yeahhh

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sweetbritney08: i fart in your eye ohhhh baby yessssssssss thats it

sweetbritney08: mmmmm this is soo hot

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssss

emedli: like fuck in ass???

sweetbritney08: mmmm y ah baby put your vienna sausage in my pooper

emedli: ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sweetbritney08: i get mounds o' turds all over your balls mmmm baby oh yes oh yes oh yes

emedli: fuck ur ass as hard as u scream

sweetbritney08: "BABY JESUS AND THE ORPHANS!"

sweetbritney08: uhh yeahhh your penis is so little and hot

sweetbritney08: i attach lobsters to your groin

sweetbritney08: oh baby yessss

sweetbritney08: i am coming soon

emedli: fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sweetbritney08: I jump on the couch and my breasts hit you in the face, giving you a black eye! ohhh baby mmmmmmmm

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: ride u mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: fuck u baby mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sweetbritney08: ride me baby stick that cocktail weiner in my armpit mmmm

emedli: oooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

emedli: just open ur mouth now

sweetbritney08: i open my mouth

sweetbritney08: now what

emedli: ready to swallow?

sweetbritney08: no.

emedli: pull ur hair

emedli: come on babyy

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sweetbritney08: i thwack you in the midsection with a large trout

sweetbritney08: mmm yeah

emedli: im cuming soon

sweetbritney08: cum in my nostrils you beast

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: on face too???

emedli: babyyyyyyyyyy

sweetbritney08: no directly into my nostrils

emedli: ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

emedli: ready?

sweetbritney08: i defecate on your face, getting corn and other debris stuck in your teeth mmmmmmmm y eahhhh

sweetbritney08: ohhhhh

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: hold my dick

sweetbritney08: I cut your penis with safety scissors

emedli: put it in ur nostrills

sweetbritney08: puts severed penis in nostrils

emedli: oooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sweetbritney08: yah, you just bled to death

emedli: cum in uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: u liked??

sweetbritney08: I sure did.

emedli: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

emedli: thx baby

sweetbritney08: Np.

emedli: bye

crACHILclEan #2 : He just doesnt get it. After the first conversation, I thought he would have gotten weirded out. But no, he came back for more. If you havent read crACHILclEan session #1, read it first.

crACHILclEan: hello

sexibabybee4u: hey sexy

crACHILclEan: what did u do today?

sexibabybee4u: I got my colon cleaned

crACHILclEan: oh really

sexibabybee4u: yes

crACHILclEan: did u enjoy it

sexibabybee4u: yes

crACHILclEan: what else did u do?

sexibabybee4u: i waxed my buttcrack

crACHILclEan: did u get lots of hair off of it?

sexibabybee4u: yeah, im jewish so im pretty hairy

crACHILclEan: h

sexibabybee4u: ?

crACHILclEan: u dont look jewish

crACHILclEan: or hairy in the picture

sexibabybee4u: I am only 3/4 jewish

crACHILclEan: oh, what size boobs do u have?

sexibabybee4u: 36d

crACHILclEan: how come in the picture they arent that big

sexibabybee4u: probably just the glare

crACHILclEan: they look like size A in the picture

crACHILclEan: do u have any other pictures?

sexibabybee4u: No, they are D.

crACHILclEan: do u have any other pictures

sexibabybee4u: No, thats the only one, my friend took it with her digital camera for me.

crACHILclEan: oh

crACHILclEan: which friend took a pic for you?

sexibabybee4u: Frebecca

crACHILclEan: where is she now

sexibabybee4u: i dont know

sexibabybee4u: i could call her and see

sexibabybee4u: if you want

crACHILclEan: yes

crACHILclEan: call her

sexibabybee4u: okay

sexibabybee4u: just a second

sexibabybee4u: her room mate says she is being showered and then she is going to bed

sexibabybee4u: why

crACHILclEan: i wanted to see more pictures of you

crACHILclEan: can u take some for me tomorrow

sexibabybee4u: why do you want to see more pictures? you like me?

crACHILclEan: yes

sexibabybee4u: why

sexibabybee4u: brb, i need to go douche.[i really went to the grocery store. haha.]

crACHILclEan: how do u douche?

sexibabybee4u: i am back

crACHILclEan: yeye

sexibabybee4u: ?

crACHILclEan: yey!

crACHILclEan: i am that you are back

crACHILclEan: i want to know more about your interesting life

sexibabybee4u: well, i am Arabic

crACHILclEan: oh ya.......

sexibabybee4u: when i had legs i loved to play hopscotch

crACHILclEan: how is that?

sexibabybee4u: i am an alcoholic

sexibabybee4u: i love math

crACHILclEan: where do u get money?

sexibabybee4u: I have a job, silly

sexibabybee4u: I work at hooters

crACHILclEan: in a wheelchair....

sexibabybee4u: they cant discriminate against me

sexibabybee4u: and with knockers like mine they couldnt turn me down anyways!

crACHILclEan: hmm

crACHILclEan: so what do you do with all your money

crACHILclEan: how do u push your wheelchair and take food to the table at teh same time?

sexibabybee4u: i have an electric wheelchair silly

crACHILclEan: ok, so u only carry food with one hand?

sexibabybee4u: what do you mean what do i do with all my money? i do what everyone else does, silly! i spend it on clothes, dildos, cds, booze, stuff like that

sexibabybee4u: yes

crACHILclEan: fun

crACHILclEan: how did u become parapalegic?

sexibabybee4u: i told you!

crACHILclEan: i forgot

sexibabybee4u: i was in a very traumatic accident involving mayonnaise, a lazyboy and a swimming pool

crACHILclEan: explain

[by this point, i just want this to be over. i had to step it up a notch.]

sexibabybee4u: well, me and my friends made a neat slide on the deck with the lazyboy and coated it with mayonnaise for lubrication and we were having a great time

sexibabybee4u: but then a horse jumped into the pool and i landed on its back and it galloped out of the pool and i was so slippery with mayonnaise it bucked me off and i landed on my head and my neck was injured

crACHILclEan: hmm

sexibabybee4u: i am crying

crACHILclEan: u didnt say anything about the hore yesterday

sexibabybee4u: this is so painful to remember all of thise

sexibabybee4u: i need someone to hold me right now

crACHILclEan: are your roommates or any nurse's there?

sexibabybee4u: No, my room mate is spending the night in another girls room tonight

crACHILclEan: why?

sexibabybee4u: and the nurses are only here if we call them or when its bathing time or when its time for our hot oil enemas

sexibabybee4u: its her girlfriends room, she's a lesbian

crACHILclEan: hmm

crACHILclEan: hmm

sexibabybee4u: yes

crACHILclEan: have u ever had sex with the other girls

sexibabybee4u: Yes

sexibabybee4u: only my sister though

crACHILclEan: where is your sister?

sexibabybee4u: she died

crACHILclEan: how?

sexibabybee4u: She was riding a public bus in downtown mexico city, and of course there are no seatbelts, and it got into a headon collision and everyone was thrown around in the bus and she landed with her face in a large mans armpit and she suffocated.

crACHILclEan: right...

sexibabybee4u: SHe died.

crACHILclEan: hm..

crACHILclEan: do u take any medicine?

sexibabybee4u: i have a drug problem

crACHILclEan: what drugs

sexibabybee4u: im addicted to rolaids

crACHILclEan: oh, those taste good

sexibabybee4u: exactly

sexibabybee4u: i cant stop

crACHILclEan: cool

sexibabybee4u: it gets expensive

crACHILclEan: how much do you weigh?

sexibabybee4u: 320

crACHILclEan: right

sexibabybee4u: i gained weight since the picture

crACHILclEan: when did u take the picture?

sexibabybee4u: 1993

crACHILclEan: so u were 8 in that picture?

sexibabybee4u: no

crACHILclEan: ?

crACHILclEan: how old were you/

sexibabybee4u: im only 12 right now silly

crACHILclEan: so in your pic u were 2?

sexibabybee4u: im not sure

sexibabybee4u: im no good at math hehe

crACHILclEan: i can tell

sexibabybee4u: hey thats not nice

crACHILclEan: well your saying a pic u were skinny in was ten years ag, but u look 18

crACHILclEan: and now u r 18

sexibabybee4u: no

sexibabybee4u: i am 12

sexibabybee4u: i only put 18 on my profile so hot older guys like you will talk to me

crACHILclEan: lier lier

sexibabybee4u: ?

crACHILclEan: how old are you?

sexibabybee4u: 12

crACHILclEan: and u are 320 pounds?

sexibabybee4u: yes

sexibabybee4u: i dotn get much exercise in a wheelchair dummy

crACHILclEan: did u know that u are the fattest 12 year old on the planet.......

crACHILclEan: your slowly slipping

sexibabybee4u:

crACHILclEan: why the sad face?

crACHILclEan: u know it is all a joke

sexibabybee4u:

crACHILclEan: ?

crACHILclEan: why the sad face?

i got bored.

crACHILclEan #1: Man, i thought this guy would have caught on or something....

crACHILclEan: heylo

sexibabybee4u: hi

crACHILclEan: i am fswgideon on FTJ, sorry the pic sux, i will have a new one soon

crACHILclEan: i saw u on there, that is how i got your SN

sexibabybee4u: neat

crACHILclEan: hell yeah, i use that word too

sexibabybee4u: wow

crACHILclEan:

crACHILclEan: so why did your BF break-up with you?

sexibabybee4u: because he isnt into all the sexual things i am, and i guess it made him too uncomfortable.

crACHILclEan: that's unusual

crACHILclEan: were u a freak in bed?

sexibabybee4u: Im not a freak! you are so hurtful *cries*

crACHILclEan: im sorry

crACHILclEan: i meant in bed

crACHILclEan: like very kinky..

sexibabybee4u: i guess so

sexibabybee4u: i just have certain things i like

crACHILclEan: oh, and he was to soft

sexibabybee4u: i guess

sexibabybee4u: he said i scared him too much

crACHILclEan: what, psh

crACHILclEan: what a dumbass

crACHILclEan: why the sad face?

sexibabybee4u: Do you think only being able to orgasm in a bed with cabbage in it is odd?

crACHILclEan: yes

sexibabybee4u:

crACHILclEan: but i would accept it

crACHILclEan: where would the cabbage be?

sexibabybee4u: well, i cant get off unless there are leaves of cabbage strewn about the bed...sometimes lettuce is okay, but cabbage is better

sexibabybee4u: and also there has to be 4 crows nailed to the headboard

crACHILclEan: what are the reasons behind the scarecrows?

sexibabybee4u: no, not scarecrows

sexibabybee4u: crows, like the birds

sexibabybee4u: black birds

sexibabybee4u: whoever im going to have sex with has to go hunting first and kill 4 crows

sexibabybee4u: and then nail them to the headboard

crACHILclEan: are you just messing with me?

sexibabybee4u: no, i seriously cant orgasm without that

crACHILclEan: hmm, so if i hunted four crows for you, and you laid cabbage all over your bed, you would fuck?

sexibabybee4u: oh yes

sexibabybee4u: man, when i get really, really horny i get the urge to do laundry too

sexibabybee4u: he didnt like that

crACHILclEan: what do u do for fun?

sexibabybee4u: Well, I am in a wheelchair, so i mostly watch tv, play board games, puzzles, computers, movies, horseback riding, naps, cats, i breed llamas, knit, or something like that

crACHILclEan: u breed lamas?

sexibabybee4u: yes

sexibabybee4u: hairless llamas

sexibabybee4u: my llamas all wear hoop skirts

crACHILclEan: your funny

sexibabybee4u: what

crACHILclEan: what is your name on Facethejury?

sexibabybee4u: sexibaybee4u

crACHILclEan: who do u live with?

sexibabybee4u: I live in a home for girls

crACHILclEan: hmmm

crACHILclEan: what kind of girls?

sexibabybee4u: disabled

crACHILclEan: oh, where are your parents?

sexibabybee4u: They died

crACHILclEan: how?(if u dont mind me asking)

sexibabybee4u: well

sexibabybee4u: we used to live on a farm

sexibabybee4u: we raised cattle

sexibabybee4u: and once fall came around it was time to harvest some of the cows for hamburger meat

sexibabybee4u: we had a big grinder and dad was preparing the meat to be ground up and he slipped in

sexibabybee4u: but we didnt know

sexibabybee4u: and he was ground up with the rest of the meat

sexibabybee4u: he never came home of course

sexibabybee4u: mom though he ran off with another woman

sexibabybee4u: a friend of ours brought home all of the meat, figured he had just left it

sexibabybee4u: we ate the meat, not knowing it was partially dad

sexibabybee4u: a few weeks later the place where dad grinds the meat was broken into so they had to view the security tapes from the cameras and it showed dad falling in

sexibabybee4u: mom was so upset she committed suicide

sexibabybee4u: Now i just try to live one day at a time...

crACHILclEan: oh

crACHILclEan: were u born disabled?

sexibabybee4u: no

crACHILclEan: how did u become disabled?

sexibabybee4u: at age 10 i was in a terrible accident involving mayonnaise, a lazyboy, and a swimming pool and i broke my neck

sexibabybee4u: and im paralyzed from the waist down

crACHILclEan: and u cheer?

sexibabybee4u: and i what?

sexibabybee4u: oh, yes

crACHILclEan: how?

sexibabybee4u: our school has our own cheerleading team

crACHILclEan: so have you ever had sex?

sexibabybee4u: Yes

crACHILclEan: and the person got u 4 crows?

sexibabybee4u: yes

sexibabybee4u: My boyfriends name was Linda.

sexibabybee4u: He was very nice, but he couldnt deal with the whole hunting thing.

crACHILclEan: how did he get u 4 crows?

sexibabybee4u: i think he was a hippie because he didnt believe in killing animals, and he didnt shower

sexibabybee4u: he shot them with a gun

sexibabybee4u: the boyfriend i had before that would drown them

crACHILclEan: um.....what do u do in your spare time?

sexibabybee4u: take care of my llamas, draw, read, finger my butthole, knit, watch movies/tv, clubbin

sexibabybee4u: what about you

crACHILclEan: finger your butthole?

crACHILclEan: where do u live?

sexibabybee4u: sorry i meant make potholders

sexibabybee4u: california

crACHILclEan: what city?

crACHILclEan: do u have a phone number?

sexibabybee4u: los angeles

sexibabybee4u: yes

sexibabybee4u: i do

crACHILclEan: can i call you

sexibabybee4u: sure

sexibabybee4u: can you give me a minute? my room mate is on the phone.

crACHILclEan: not right now, tomorrow

crACHILclEan: but what is the number?

sexibabybee4u: 1-213-208-4762 [this is so great...i gave him the number of a los angeles black gay mens bath house. http://www.throbla.com/ . i wonder if he'll call. he'll certainly get a surprise.]

crACHILclEan: where do u see yourself in ten years?

sexibabybee4u: Well, probably dead.

crACHILclEan: why?

sexibabybee4u: because i'll probably commit suicide soon

sexibabybee4u: I cant live life here anymore, peter.

crACHILclEan: why?

crACHILclEan: my name is joe

sexibabybee4u: because they treat us really badly.

crACHILclEan: why did u call me peter?

crACHILclEan: why cant u live there?

sexibabybee4u: i thought that was your name

crACHILclEan: nope

sexibabybee4u: Oic

crACHILclEan: why dont u like it there?]

sexibabybee4u: they are terrible to us

sexibabybee4u: they make fun of us

sexibabybee4u: and call us freakin tards and crips and stuff

sexibabybee4u: and they make us eat wallpaper glue

crACHILclEan: who does that to you?

sexibabybee4u: once when i got caught with some candy (that isnt allowed) they stuck a whole acorn squash up my butt

sexibabybee4u: the nurses here

sexibabybee4u: they always throw stuff at us

crACHILclEan: what is this nursing place called

sexibabybee4u: Urinary Oaks Disabled Childrens Home for the Disabled

crACHILclEan: there is no such place

sexibabybee4u: what are you talking about, i would know, i live here

crACHILclEan: it isnt online anywhere

sexibabybee4u: our home could never afford a website!

sexibabybee4u: just as it is, all day they make us do crafts like making quilts, knitting scarfs and making potholders to sell to make some money....but they keep it all for themselves and they use it for all their pornography, instead of using it to buy us good food

sexibabybee4u: girls with legs have to work inthe garden all day long just to feed us!

sexibabybee4u: To make extra money, they have even made us start pooping in assigned barrels that they sell for money as fertilizer!

i decided i had to go to bed. it was fun though.

dude4777: hello

emily_strange_13: hi

dude4777: how are you this afternoon

dude4777: 28 m here se indiana close to cincy

emily_strange_13: Im okay, how are you

dude4777: im doing ok

dude4777: what part of ohio are you from

emily_strange_13: Batavia

dude4777: thats cool

emily_strange_13: yes

dude4777: i travel that area often on buisness

dude4777: are you still in school

emily_strange_13: No, i had to quit school:(:(

emily_strange_13: : (

dude4777: sorry to hear that

emily_strange_13: yes

emily_strange_13: Because of a health problem they wouldnt let me stay.

dude4777: how old are you

emily_strange_13: 18

dude4777: thats must make it tough

dude4777: are you able to get around ok

emily_strange_13: yeah

emily_strange_13: well

emily_strange_13: i try

emily_strange_13: its really hard emotionally especially

emily_strange_13: i have a hard time getting dates

emily_strange_13: it makes my self esteem really low.

dude4777: what the problem if you dont mind me asking

emily_strange_13: But...i just try to make it one day at a time

emily_strange_13: I dont know if you want to hear about it.

dude4777: i can respect that

emily_strange_13: you dont care, youre just another passing stranger

emily_strange_13: nobody really cares about me

dude4777: what do you enjoy doing

emily_strange_13: well, i like to swim, but alot of pools wont let me in because of my problem

emily_strange_13: and i like to horseback ride

emily_strange_13: but it usually aggravates my problem too

emily_strange_13: and i like sex a lot

emily_strange_13: but no men like me.

dude4777: sorry to hear that

dude4777: i like some sports, outdoors movies, dining out and alot of sex to

emily_strange_13: really? we sound like we'd get along really well!

emily_strange_13: i like outdoors movies too!

dude4777: do you get alot of support from your family

emily_strange_13: I dont have a family

emily_strange_13: they died in a car accident 3 years ago

dude4777: sorry to hear that

emily_strange_13: it was very bloody

emily_strange_13: they were torn to shreds.

dude4777: im sure thats been hard on you and effected pretty much everything in your life

emily_strange_13: Yes, It has been so hard

emily_strange_13: and now that i have this problem i am all alone

emily_strange_13: and have no one to talk to about it with

dude4777: my ears are open if you need to talk, im not judgemental and i dont put people down

emily_strange_13: are you sure?

emily_strange_13: you will still like me if i tell you about it?

dude4777: ive been respectful so far havent i

emily_strange_13: yes

dude4777: i wont change but the decesion is up to you wheather you want to talk about it

emily_strange_13: okay. thank you so much, Lloyd.

dude4777: lloyd?

dude4777: it was nice talking to you i guess i will let you go

emily_strange_13: my problem is uncontrollable diarrhea. You have heard of projectile vomit? well this is like projectile diarrhea. My sphincter muscles cant even handle it, it just shoots right out. thats why i cant go in the pool, because before very long, the whole thing is tinted brown and is full of chunks, and i guess thats a health hazard or something, and i cant horseback ride because the owner said something like "i cant have you crapping all over my horses" and i guess it took him 2 and a half hours to scrub that stuff out of the horses fur and i am not allowed back there. No men will have sex with me because i just end up pooping on them. this problem is ruining my life!

emily_strange_13: sorry, i thought you said your name was lloyd

dude4777: nope brandon

emily_strange_13: oh, thank you brandon

emily_strange_13: So yeah, anyways, i dont know what to do

dude4777: that would be difficult

dude4777: any surgery or medication the doctors have said

emily_strange_13: there is about a half inch layer of poop covering the entire floor of my bathroom because i rarely make it, and all of my furniture is stained

emily_strange_13: well

emily_strange_13: the doctor prescribed me some medicine once

emily_strange_13: but when i took it it made me so constipated i was pooping turds the size of a coke can and it was like giving birth and i couldnt get them out and i developed hemorrhoids, and so i had to stop the medicine

emily_strange_13: and there is no surgery, my intestines dont absorb the water right

dude4777: that would be hard to have a social life and go out

emily_strange_13: it really is!

emily_strange_13: i have one friend

emily_strange_13: but he has this odd poop fetish and tries to have me aim it in his mouth and that weirds me out!

emily_strange_13: he sniffs me a lot

dude4777: he has a unusual fetish for sure

emily_strange_13: but i cant wear dresses when we go to clubs because the poop will run down my legs and everyone laughs at me

emily_strange_13: its so humiliating

dude4777: does any particur type of diet help at all

dude4777: types of food

emily_strange_13: no, the problem is just that my intestines dont absorb the water in my system correctly, so it passes right through

dude4777: ok you said that earlier but it didnt register

emily_strange_13: Ive even tried corks, brandon.

emily_strange_13: the cork shot right out of my butthole and hit my friend in the eye!

emily_strange_13: im doomed a life of embarrassment and loneliness forever!

emily_strange_13: why cant a man love me for me?

dude4777: i cant answere that

emily_strange_13: youre a man

dude4777: yep

emily_strange_13: will you date me

dude4777: i would

emily_strange_13: really?

emily_strange_13: we dont live that far apart

emily_strange_13: maybe you could develop a poop fetish too

emily_strange_13: then we could have sex!

dude4777: i do date someone occasionally around here

emily_strange_13: see, we are meant to be

emily_strange_13: OH CRAP

emily_strange_13: HOLD ON

dude4777: i take it you like sex alot

emily_strange_13: OH MAN JUST A SECOND

dude4777: ok

dude4777: ill be here take care of what you need to

emily_strange_13: im so sorry

dude4777: dont be

emily_strange_13: my cat was behind me and i didnt know it and i just blasted him in the face with a huge squishy turd

emily_strange_13: but yeah, i LOVE sex

emily_strange_13: im into all kinds of stuff....especially roleplaying

dude4777: thats cool

dude4777: do you like to swallow cum

emily_strange_13: yes

dude4777: do you like to have oral done on you

emily_strange_13: if you dont mind getting shot in the face with hot steamy girl crap

emily_strange_13: i want to roleplay that im a miner and im working sooo hard underground and youre my overseeing mining boss guy and im not working fast enough

emily_strange_13: so then you come over to me

emily_strange_13: and im all dirty with coal dust and sweaty and smelly and disgusting and have 5 o'clock shadow

emily_strange_13: and you spank my dirty little coal covered bottom and tell me to work harder

emily_strange_13: thats so hot

dude4777: you sound like you would be a lot of fun to be around

emily_strange_13: as long as you dont mind the smell of my diarrhea

emily_strange_13: i bet you like that dont you

dude4777: would you let me cum inside you with out a condom on

emily_strange_13: wait, what is a condom?

dude4777: i dont know never used one just thought id ask

dude4777: lol

emily_strange_13: youre talking about one of those things you can stay in like a hotel room in florida ? a condom?

dude4777: a rubber

emily_strange_13: i dont understand. ive never had sex before!

dude4777: ok

dude4777: i though you like sex

emily_strange_13: of course!

dude4777: ok

dude4777: but never had sex before is that correct

emily_strange_13: yes!

dude4777: i see

emily_strange_13: one time i was going to have sex with a guy

emily_strange_13: it was my grandpa

emily_strange_13: and he put his penis in me

emily_strange_13: and then i had diarrhea

emily_strange_13: and i had eaten hot mexican food

emily_strange_13: and i guess that made my diarrhea all spicy and it made his balls burn and he got mad

emily_strange_13: so ive never really had sex before

dude4777: that would be very unusuall

emily_strange_13: yeah

dude4777: especially with a relative

emily_strange_13: yeah

emily_strange_13: it was very romantic though

dude4777: i can imagine

emily_strange_13: me and my grandparents experiment alot

emily_strange_13: since they have poor bowel and urinary control they can tolerate my diarrhea! : )

dude4777: i see do you live with your grandparents

emily_strange_13: sometimes we have threesomes and thats pretty hot

emily_strange_13: yeah

emily_strange_13: since my parents died

emily_strange_13: i dont have anywhere else to go

dude4777: that is some experience i have never herd before form a 18 yr old girl

emily_strange_13: really?

emily_strange_13: you should try it with your grandparents

dude4777: i think i will pass

emily_strange_13: you've never felt oral sex til youve felt it from a person without teeth

emily_strange_13: my grandma is an expert

dude4777: not quite into that sorry

emily_strange_13: ive even kinda developed a pee fetish from her

emily_strange_13: do you think if we started dating you could pee in my mouth?

emily_strange_13: and then all over my hot body

dude4777: i dont know, you seem to have so many fetish ideas you might scare me off lol

emily_strange_13: dont be silly, im just a normal 18 year old girl

dude4777: that likes to roleplay some

dude4777: alot

emily_strange_13: my favorite roleplaying is me as a zoo animal and you as my zoo keeper

dude4777: to much i dont know what is real lol

emily_strange_13: and then you bring me my food

emily_strange_13: and then you screw me like the wild animal i am!!!

emily_strange_13: oh baby im getting hot over here

dude4777: im seeing that your wild

emily_strange_13: i will be a california condor and youre my zookeeper birdperson and you'll bring me my food and then stick it to me!

emily_strange_13: coo coo kwarrrrr! coo coo kwarrrrr! im your lil love condor!

dude4777: you would be pushing my limits for sure

emily_strange_13: ooh baby you and me need to get together soon

emily_strange_13: you make me so horny

emily_strange_13: i want to poop in your mouth.

emily_strange_13: and in your eyes

emily_strange_13: would you be comfortable licking my butthole?

dude4777: yes

emily_strange_13: even with all the corn and other poop debris?

dude4777: yep

emily_strange_13: great

after this point i got bored and blocked him.

This guy had messaged me several days in a row before I finally decided to respond to him. He's one of them queer homo people.

MarineMessiah: hi

me: who the crap are you

MarineMessiah: lol damn

me: what

MarineMessiah: its usually whos this...

MarineMessiah: but your like who the crap are you

me: whos this

MarineMessiah: this is who

me: wow youre really ugly

me: how did you get to be so hideous?

me: that is amazing

MarineMessiah: yeah whatever

MarineMessiah: later

me: youre so ugly you make me want to scoop my eyes out with spoons

me: AND youre black.

me: yuck i hate you

MarineMessiah: I SAID BYE

me: no, actually you didnt

me: you said later

me: and now is later

MarineMessiah: SAME THING ASS

me: no, it isnt

MarineMessiah: WHATEVER

me: later is a 4 letter word that implies a time in the future

me: bye means not later.

me: you lose!

MarineMessiah: BYE

me: why are you leaving?

MarineMessiah: because of your ignorance

me: i am not ignorant

me: i am wonderufl

MarineMessiah: whatever i gotta go i got work tomorrow

me: soooo stay and talk to me!im cute!

MarineMessiah: i cant...im ugly

me: so

me: i will try to keep my dinner down

MarineMessiah: bye

me: wait i need you

me: whats your name?

me: stupid?

me: i mean, hi, im kelley, whats your name?

MarineMessiah: y?

me: because i want to get to know you

me: you look super dumb

me: i mean super kewl

MarineMessiah: yeah whatever i gotta get my fuckin uniform ready

MarineMessiah: bye

me: uniform?

me: where do you work?

MarineMessiah: the goverment

me: you work at the government

me: ?

MarineMessiah: for the goverment ass

MarineMessiah: the military

me: you are a soldier?

MarineMessiah: FUCK NO

me: ever killed anyone?

MarineMessiah: WHAT DO U THINK

me: are you a drill sargeant?

MarineMessiah: IM NOT IN THE NASTY ASS ARMY

me: wait a polyp pickin minute.....are you one of them queer homo navy boys?

me: you like it up the butt???

MarineMessiah: NO

me: you like hot cock in you mouth?

MarineMessiah: NO BUT U DO

me: im supposed to, im a girl you faggot

me: when you masturbate do you think of navy boys only or also army and airforce hotties?

me: do you like firefighters as well?

me: what about policemen....all in uniform of course

MarineMessiah: I DONT LIKE GUYS

me: denial is the first step. now, lets acknowlege that you are a gay government employee.

me: repeat after me " I AM GAY AND I AM PROUD!"

me: say it loud and strong! "I AM GAY AND I AM PROUD!"

This was an interesting fellow. First I tried to weird him out with a severe diarrhea problem, but when that didnt work, I got all "horny" and decided to play that card instead.

boom_stick9: hi

emily_strange_13: hi

boom_stick9: how are you tonight?

emily_strange_13: im crappy

boom_stick9: i'm sorry to hear that

emily_strange_13: me too

boom_stick9: can i ask what happen?

emily_strange_13: promise you'll still love me?

boom_stick9: of course my daer

emily_strange_13: well, i hope you can understand..

emily_strange_13: i have a terrible, terrible, problem

boom_stick9: ok

emily_strange_13: i dont know if i can tell you

boom_stick9: if you don't want to that fine

emily_strange_13: well, it would be really good to talk to someone about it, you know, to get it out.

boom_stick9: yeah, thats true

emily_strange_13: will you listen to me and understand and try to help me

boom_stick9: of course

emily_strange_13: *hug* this means so much to me

boom_stick9: no problem

emily_strange_13: well...ever since i was 5...

emily_strange_13: ive had a terrible diarrhea problem.

emily_strange_13: ive tried everything

emily_strange_13: but nothng workks

boom_stick9: have you seen a dr.?

emily_strange_13: yes

emily_strange_13: he gave me pills but feces still leak out of my anal orifice like a drippy faucet

boom_stick9: geez.

emily_strange_13: imm so sad

emily_strange_13: yeah....i dont know what to do, iim thinking of suicide

boom_stick9: you can't be serious.

emily_strange_13: i am

emily_strange_13: and no one wll listen

boom_stick9: come on, its not worth that

emily_strange_13: then what should i do

boom_stick9: im not sure

emily_strange_13: imm so upset

emily_strange_13: im tired of staining my pants and the curtains! im mtired of messing up the furniture! i recently injured my dog! this problem is ruining my life!

boom_stick9: i see

emily_strange_13: help me

boom_stick9: how?

emily_strange_13: i dunno.....lend me a cork, anything!!!! im desperate!

boom_stick9: you seem to have a descent sence of humor about it

emily_strange_13: this isnt funny

boom_stick9: i was just sayin'

boom_stick9: im sorry

emily_strange_13: youre so hurtful

emily_strange_13: i hate myself becausee of this

boom_stick9: i didn't mean anything

emily_strange_13: then will you date me?

boom_stick9: i just met you

emily_strange_13: so

emily_strange_13: its love at first type

boom_stick9: lol

boom_stick9: you don't love me

emily_strange_13: i do

emily_strange_13: i want to make all your babies

boom_stick9: you would need some help

emily_strange_13: what do you mean?

emily_strange_13: my penis works just fine

boom_stick9: where are you gonna put it?

emily_strange_13: where do you want it, baby?

boom_stick9: not a big penis fan, thanks

emily_strange_13: what about vaginas? i have one of those too!

boom_stick9: woah, you have that too?

emily_strange_13: yes

boom_stick9: does it have teeth?

boom_stick9: those scare me

emily_strange_13: teeth? no, just a brown tint to it from my bottom

emily_strange_13: why

boom_stick9: just askin

emily_strange_13: i love caesar salad

emily_strange_13: hello?

boom_stick9: yeah

emily_strange_13: talk to me baby

emily_strange_13: talk dirty to me

boom_stick9: what about?

emily_strange_13: dirty things

emily_strange_13: wanna cyber?

boom_stick9: why do you want to?

emily_strange_13: i like you

emily_strange_13: i think youre hot

boom_stick9: thanks

emily_strange_13: so lets go

boom_stick9: what do you want to do?

emily_strange_13: i want to cyber with you

emily_strange_13: lets make the cyber sex

boom_stick9: what are you going to do during?

emily_strange_13: masterbait

boom_stick9: with....?

emily_strange_13: a sleeping bag

boom_stick9: lol, i see

emily_strange_13: whats so funny?

boom_stick9: a sleeping bag

emily_strange_13: whats so funny about that

boom_stick9: are you going to use it, seriously?

emily_strange_13: yes

emily_strange_13: i have a sleeping bag fetish

boom_stick9: how do you want me to start?

emily_strange_13: in a sexy sexy way

boom_stick9: i love your lips. i want to lick them slowly with the tip of my tongue

emily_strange_13: oooh baby that gets me going

boom_stick9: you taste so good

emily_strange_13: thanks i just ate sauerkraut, im polish!

emily_strange_13: *licks your neck*

emily_strange_13: *sucks gently on your earlobe*

boom_stick9: ooh. (pulls you hair back to bite your neck)

emily_strange_13: sorry about the drool my retainer gets in the way sometimes

emily_strange_13: *sucks on your bottom lip*

emily_strange_13: *takes off my shirt and bra, and puts my breasts in your face*

emily_strange_13: lick my nipples you stud

boom_stick9: (licks your nipples with the tip of my tongue)

boom_stick9: moving lower to your stomach

emily_strange_13: oooh yes thats it thats it

emily_strange_13: ooooooh baby im getting so aroused

boom_stick9: sucks on your stomach

emily_strange_13: oh goshh i love to have my stomach sucked

emily_strange_13: suck it hard!

boom_stick9: (puts a finger in your mouth

boom_stick9: no, you suck this

emily_strange_13: *sucks your finger*

emily_strange_13: ooh tell me what to do baby

emily_strange_13: i love that

boom_stick9: un zip my pants

emily_strange_13: wait! youre doing it all wrong!

emily_strange_13: you have to get in the sleeping bag first!

boom_stick9: then let me in

emily_strange_13: *opens my pink sexy sleeping bag for youu* jump in, you love devil

boom_stick9: thank ya baby

emily_strange_13: oh that makes me so hot

emily_strange_13: im so hard for you

boom_stick9: now un zip my pants

emily_strange_13: *unzips your pants with my teeth*

emily_strange_13: *lightly feels your crotch with my flipper*

emily_strange_13: i have a seal fetish too, i have to dress up as a seal every time i have sex

boom_stick9: ok

emily_strange_13: oh this is so hot

emily_strange_13: youre fufilling my every fantasy

boom_stick9: well why don't you stop talking and suck it

emily_strange_13: wait

emily_strange_13: ladies first!

emily_strange_13: cover me with raw fish and lick it off baby

emily_strange_13: ark ark im your lil love seal baby

boom_stick9: umm...............ok

emily_strange_13: go ahead, lick me, you sexy animal trainer, you

emily_strange_13: mmm and call me mom

emily_strange_13: i LOVE THAT

emily_strange_13: incest is so cute

emily_strange_13: *lays in small pool of water wth bucket of minced fish beside me* im waitiing hunny

emily_strange_13: hello?

emily_strange_13: sweetie?

emily_strange_13: hello? boyfriend?

Face the jury is a wonderful place to pick up tards.

AzurKel: hello there how are you ?

iUseMySeatBelt: okay, who the crap are you

AzurKel: sorry about that, im from face the jury

iUseMySeatBelt: oh, hi!

AzurKel: hey

AzurKel: how was your day ?

iUseMySeatBelt: it was awful, how was yours

AzurKel: it was okay,why was yours so awful if you dont mind telling

iUseMySeatBelt: i hit a kid on a bike

iUseMySeatBelt: with my car

AzurKel: ouch

AzurKel: is he okay?

AzurKel: or she

AzurKel: and are you okay

iUseMySeatBelt: i dunno, i drove off

iUseMySeatBelt: i heard their head crunch so im guessing they arent okay

AzurKel: ouch

AzurKel: are you afraid at this moment

iUseMySeatBelt: should i be?

AzurKel: no, it just some people take more time to get over things

iUseMySeatBelt: oh, i thought it was really really funny. infact, i peed my pants laughing.

iUseMySeatBelt: but i feel a little bad now.

AzurKel: -smiles- ouch

AzurKel: i bet the kid okay

iUseMySeatBelt: im comptemplating suicide.

AzurKel: dont

AzurKel: for what reason, because of that event

iUseMySeatBelt: okay, i wont think about it anymore, i'll just do it

iUseMySeatBelt: what is your name?

AzurKel: dont do it please

AzurKel: my real name?

iUseMySeatBelt: yes

AzurKel: kel

AzurKel: whats yours

iUseMySeatBelt: goodbye kel

iUseMySeatBelt: im Shakwan

AzurKel: where ya going?

AzurKel: hey, where did you go off to?

iUseMySeatBelt: sorry, had to get my dad's gun

AzurKel: for ever what for is someone breaking in

AzurKel: come in seriuos why do you want to kill yourself

AzurKel: big deal you hit a kid on his bike , he'll be find

AzurKel: kids today get up from worst and you know that

iUseMySeatBelt: but his head was flattened

iUseMySeatBelt: i heard it crunch under my tires

iUseMySeatBelt: the blood splattered on mmy windshield

AzurKel: yuck

AzurKel: i dont know what to say

AzurKel: umm... it was an accident

iUseMySeatBelt: see

iUseMySeatBelt: i have no reason to live

iUseMySeatBelt: goodbye Kel

AzurKel: you have plently

iUseMySeatBelt: obviously not

AzurKel: it wasnt like you did it on purpose

iUseMySeatBelt: it was an accident!

AzurKel: did this happen close to your house

iUseMySeatBelt: yes

iUseMySeatBelt: it was my brother

iUseMySeatBelt: in the driveway

AzurKel: what is in your dirve way now

iUseMySeatBelt: i dunno

iUseMySeatBelt: he's just kinda laying there

AzurKel: brb

iUseMySeatBelt: i told my mom he was playing the flat game

AzurKel: back

AzurKel: ya there

AzurKel: the flat game

iUseMySeatBelt: yes

AzurKel: im confused here

iUseMySeatBelt: about what

AzurKel: i dont know

AzurKel: so what areyou doing?

iUseMySeatBelt: actually, i just lost all bowel control. you?

AzurKel: eating

iUseMySeatBelt: fun

iUseMySeatBelt: whoa

iUseMySeatBelt: some what im hungry

AzurKel: so where were you coming from

AzurKel: when this event happened

iUseMySeatBelt: i was coming from a hike

AzurKel: in a car?

iUseMySeatBelt: yes.

the rest was lame, thats why it seemingly stops so abruptly.